What makes for a ‘good’ man?

This is a day when many people consider what makes for a ‘good’ man. You have two choices, men who are committed to a cause or men who are committed to their families.  Each path takes you in a different direction.

When you are a man committed to a cause, be it vocational, political, or economic, you likely have a goal. In being committed, you are determined to reach that goal.

The goal may be a selfish one or one that impacts a large number of people. The world likes and often praises men committed to a cause, especially in the modern era.

They praise men who  sacrifice anything in reaching their goal. The worldly admire those who ‘put on the blinders’ and continue on ‘for the cause’.  They make heroes of those who put in countless hours devoted to their vocational goal.

They count marriages and families lost in the process part of the price they pay for being a ‘good’ man. This viewing of men as good who sacrifice all for their cause shows up in politics, religion, military and the arts.

These kind of men often end up accomplishing things, but ruin the lives of those around them. They win victories for the cause but often end up sacrificing their own marriages and families in the process.

The worldly excuse their affairs and indiscretions since they have ‘lofty goals’. The worldly take the Puritan work ethic to a Machiavellian extreme where if you have a good enough goal, it is worth any price or sacrifice made to attain it.

For the worldly, a good man is one who is wholly devoted to a cause. In their mind good=dedicated to the cause.

Such a man may say he loves and cares for his family, yet the reality is that they are selfish and focused only on will power.

Your other choice of a ‘good man’ is one that lives according to principles. They seek what is good for their families and morally good, even if it means sacrificing their goals, toys or time for their families.

They put the needs of their families ahead of corporate or vocational goals. They are driven more by principle than by cause. These men are often disparaged by the worldly, since they dare to say “no”.

They put their marriages and families ahead of corporate advancement or ‘the cause’. They live lives with unblemished reputations.

For these men good=devoted to family and morals.

They are praised by their spouses and children for being a ‘good’ man, while the worldly ignore them. They don’t have to hide any ‘indiscretions’ or women in the shadows, since there are none.

The challenge for you is deciding which kind of man that you admire and wish you or your husband to be. Your husband wants to be admired by you. They notice what kind of men you admire and respect.

If you have been admiring the wrong kind of man, you may be sending a message about the kind of man you want your husband to be. Changing who you admire will bring changes to your marriage as well.

Changing your idea of what makes a man good and what good means will change your family.

Best Regards,

Jeff