When the affair ends, you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief. Although you feel a little relieved, you are not ‘out of the woods yet’. There are hidden relationship traps that blindside you.
An affair does not have to mean your marriage is over. As you and your spouse start rebuilding, the traps and blindside attacks make problems worse.
One of the relationship traps is “The Anniversary Danger”. As humans, we value our ability to make ‘independent’ choices and decisions.
We rise above our circumstances, yet we remain creatures of habit. The cheater is also a ‘creature of habit’. As a creature of habit, they’re vulnerable to the anniversary danger.
The anniversary danger occurs when there is a significant anniversary in their relationship history with the lover. It may be the anniversary of when they met, when they slept with each other or even ‘the break-up’.
The first one occurs 30 days after the break-up. Just as you think that all of the affair is behind you, the cheater will fill the emotional gravitational pull of that old relationship on the anniversary. You need to be aware of this and be there for them.
On that anniversary date, the cheater may ‘pick a fight’ or be restless. Those could be signs that they are ‘pulling away’ from you. If you take the pulling away personally and attack them for it, you may be pushing them into relapse.
They often don’t realize what’s happening to them. Like aftershocks, these tremors shake things up. The more intense the relationship, the more intense the emotional aftershocks will be.
If you are serious about preventing affair relapse, you’ll need to be aware of the danger of anniversary reactions and take appropriate actions. The cheater may feel the pull of them and if they are having a weak moment, or experiencing conflict with you, find themselves falling back into the relationship.
Having the reactions does not mean that they did not end the affair. This is part of the letting go process that takes time.
The ‘anniversary danger’ is just one of the traps waiting for you after the affair is ended. There are things you can do that avoid or remove those dangers from your marriage.
The video “Preventing Affair Relapse” guides you in making changes that protect your marriage, move beyond the affair and reduce the risk of relapse.
Best Regards,
Jeff
