Whenever my dogs get loose and run across the countryside where I live, they often come back with fleas. Even though they didn’t go looking for the fleas, the little critters find them. The annoying fleas and deer ticks are just looking for a someone to be a ‘carrier’.
Despite all the precautions I take in terms of flea shampoos, medications and collars, a few still find a home on my pets.
In a similar manner, when a cheater comes back home from cheating, they bring many critters and problems back with them. One of the problems they bring home is that they bring ‘affair sex’ into your marriage.
Lovers show great liberality in their sexual proclivities. Since they are operating ‘outside the bounds’ of marriage, they often know that and engage in acts that they may not typically do.
This presents problems. The lover is willing to do things that you may not feel comfortable with. When this happens, it puts pressure on you. Your spouse may start touching you in ways or in places that are outside of your comfort zone.
When your spouse wants to suddenly change sexual behaviors in your marriage, it’s a flashing warning sign that something is up. It does not always mean that there is an affair, but you will want to rule out that possibility.
After a taste of the wild side of affair sex, they may want to ‘spice things up’. It is one thing is such changes are something that you and they have been discussing, it’s quite another when it happens suddenly, without any prior discussions or talk. Those sudden changes are indications that something has changed, and in many cases, it is an affair.
Besides the sexual proclivities, there is also the constant risk of communicable diseases. The cheater may have exposed themselves to things that you don’t want to be exposed to.You have kept yourself clean, but the lover may not be as clean.
The standard diseases of HIV, Herpes, etc. are often the ones that come to mind. When cheaters do not come down with such conditions, they often live with a false sense of security, thinking everything is alright.
The mindset exists that doctors and clinics can clean up such conditions or at least medicate them. Keep in mind that some of these conditions have no cure. These conditions last a lifetime. Once you’re infected, there may not be a cure for the problems.
What the cheater doesn’t realize is that each person they are with sexually brings a new range of bacterial strains into your marriage that weren’t there before.
This may sound like ‘no big deal’ to you, but for some couples, alien strains of bacteria brings major health concerns.
Like it or not, the new range of bacterial stuff of the lover (Here is an article on personal bacterial ranges) is now included in your marriage. In some cases, there may be no reaction to them, yet the new bacterial strains may explain some of the surprising infections that have occurred.
The cheater may assume that they are healthy since they did not have reactions to the lover’s bacteria. Although they are healthy, those same microscopic critters may be wreaking havoc with you and your body. Those health issues that you’ve been experiencing may have a reasonable explanation.
Besides the external changes in behavior and proclivities, there are also mental changes that the cheater brings back with them. I will address the mental changes that affair sex brings to your marriage in a future post.
One of the areas damaged by the affair is trust. I can help you in that area. The video “How Can I Trust You Again?” guides you in rebuilding the damaged trust in your marriage.
It’s likely that trust has been damaged in several areas of your relationship. Knowing ways of rebuilding the trust help you in your affair recovery journey.
Best Regards,
Jeff
