The lover catches the brunt of your enmity. You’ll be tempted to demonize them or engage in what popular culture refers to as ‘trash talk’. Although the temptation to trash them is real, you need to stop and think before you act on those urges.
Consider “Will it bring healing?”. Sure, venting your spleen and unleashing may bring a sadistic pleasure, but it does little if anything to heal your relationship.
Whether you call it the Biblical term of the “law of sowing and reaping” or ‘the boomerang effect‘ or ‘karma‘, there will be consequences. Unleashing negativity and nasty name calling only opens the door to more of the same coming back to you.
Nastiness for the sake of nastiness always comes back. It’s one thing if you are ‘calling it as you see it’ with a plain spoken truth. It’s another thing if you are just launching a nasty attack. Trading insults never has positive outcomes.
Those powers and forces you unleash with your diatribe are not only a release, they start shaping a reality that you’ll have to live in. When you surround yourself with bitterness and anger, only those who are bitter and angry will be attracted to you.
Think about it. Do you want to be around people who are constantly angry? Do you enjoy being with people who are bitter? Unless you are in that place yourself, you likely find those people repulsive and offensive.
The law of sowing and reaping also kicks in bringing back to you the fruits of what you put into motion. When you put negative things into motion, that is what you will get in return. Like it or not, that is one of the realities of the universe.
You may also consider the question, “Will demonizing the lover get your spouse back?” Attacking the lover often feeds into what is often called the ‘drama triangle’. (I deal with this in greater detail in “The Affair Recovery Workshop”. )
When the drama triangle occurs, the more you push on the lover, the more the cheater will be drawn to the lover in an effort to protect them. The more energy you expend attacking the lover, the stronger the team bonding between the cheater and the lover.
The answer lies not in attacking the lover, but attacking the sick, unhealthy relationship of the affair.
Best Regards,
Jeff
