A few days ago I addressed the topic of “What are the bad outcomes of people who swing?” Today’s post continues that topic.
Any act you engage in has consequences. Although that act may involve other adults, such as in swinging, there are consequences.
One of the consequences is that of bonding. Whenever you sleep with someone, there are physical and chemical bonding process that occur. When that bonding occurs, no amount of showers and anti-bacterial soap will wash it away.
There will always be a connection between you and that ‘other’ person. The strength of that connection will weaken over time, but it is still there. You can never undo what happened.
Another aspect of the bonding is that new neural pathways are formed in your brain. Once a pathway is formed, it stays there. It may weaken, and fade, but it remains.
Like a forgotten minefield, the neural pathway remains dormant, yet can be reactivated with intensity. It may not necessarily be the swinging partner that activates it.
Anytime you encounter someone who shares traits with the swinging partner, it can be activated. The switch is turned on. You have no choice as to whether or not it gets activated.
This means you may find yourself attracted to someone else, yet not know why. Although the deep recesses of your mind knows, your conscious mind doesn’t. It is not a big mystery, you set yourself up for it with the swinging.
Bonding is an interesting phenomena. With each person you sleep with, you loose a little more of your self control. You also loose a little bit of yourself with each person you sleep with.
When you mix and match bodily fluids with all the various DNA, there are changes. It changes you. You are never the same person afterwards. You may tell yourself that you are the same, but you are not.
Even down down to the cellular level, you are changed. Sure most of you is the same, but how many of such small changes will it take before you change in a major way.
Each swinging episode also weakens your marriage. You may lie to yourself, saying that ‘we are stronger than ever before’, yet the reality is each swing is a hammer blow to the bonds that hold you and your spouse together.
It’s a gamble seeing how many hammer blows it takes to break your marriage bonds. The hammer blow may seem to be doing nothing, there may be no visible weakening. You do not always see the weak spots until they break.
The illusion that the two of you are stronger or your love more passionate is likely a statement about the intensity of your experience, not actual intimacy. Getting intensity and intimacy confused brings disaster to relationships. They are not interchangeable.
This will help you better understand the outcomes of swinging on a marriage.
If you’re struggling with the effects from swinging you may be experiencing relationship trauma. You don’t have to get drunk, take pills or medications to numb yourself out, and keep symptoms under control.
When you have been traumatized, there are reasons for you not being able to ‘get over it’ and bounce back. Discover the tools, exercises and techniques you need in understanding and moving past what has happened to you. If that’s your situation, get your copy of the video “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers“.
The video addresses what is keeping you stuck, along with getting you unstuck. You don’t have to stay traumatized. You can move beyond what has happened in your past.
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.