Is your marriage being destroyed by ‘equality?’

 

These days many institutions and marriages are being destroyed and broken to pieces in the name of ‘equality.’ Your marriage may even be one of those being destroyed.

What makes the destruction in the name of equality is that “equality” is supposed to be something good.

“Equality” is one of those terms that when you hear it, you may assume one meaning of the term, yet other people hear something else.

Any good scholar or debater knows that you must define your terms before engaging others in a debate. When it comes to marriage, especially after an affair, many of you jump into the fray without having any terms defined. The two of you argue and fight using the same words in different ways.

When you talk about equality in the marriage, you may have envisioned that each of you has input into the major decisions and direction of your marriage and lives together.  When the cheater hears the term, they  think very differently than you.

They may view ‘equality’ in terms of other lovers should have an equal say over their body as you do. When lovers have equal say over the cheater’s body as you do, things aren’t going to turn out well.

Equality turns into an ugly monster when an affair enters the picture. Should the lover have equal claims on your spouse as you do?

Do they have an equal say in the sexual life of the cheater?

If the cheater develops a life threatening illness, will you  allow the lover to have an equal say in ‘life-changing’ decisions?

When ‘equality’ comes in the door with the lover, things will go from bad to worse. They may want an equal amount of your spouse, their money, their time, their heart. They will want holidays and an equal status with you.

When cheaters hear equality, they may also think that the lover’s children have ‘equal rights’ to them, their time and money. They will talk about being ‘fair’ and doing what is right in a way that will tear your family apart.

When it comes to marriages and dealing with affairs, equality becomes a poison pill. It may sound nice and have an attractive coating, but it is toxic to a marriage.

If you’re serious about recovering from the affair, equality must be stopped at the door. There is no room for ‘equality’ in an exclusive, committed one man, one woman relationship such as marriage.

Few of you have likely thought through the idea of ‘equality’ and how destructive it can be in your marriage and home. Imagine your toddler wanting equal rights to determine what they can and can’t do.

Imagine your teenager wanting equality on what sites they visit on the internet and what they watch on television. How well would your home run?

Equality often creeps into marriages bringing its destruction. Since most of you want to be viewed as ‘good, decent people’, you’re vulnerable to falling for the ‘equality’ ploy. Will your marriage be one of those hammered to pieces in the name of ‘equality?’

If your marriage needs some improving, the “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program provides you with ways of turning yours around.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

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2 Responses

  1. How right on your several threads have been lately …but then you have a vast well to draw from in terms of experiences with trying to give counsel to people with difficulties in marriage.

    When I examined more closely and deeply in scripture to try to learn what was my own part in the things which occurred I learned from the Bible about the BOUNDARIES that were set in place by GOD for JURISDICTIONS.

    These two words are almost non existent in our world today as borders, boundaries and distinctions of priorities have been as much under attack as any of the other truths GOD set in place of us to learn of and APPLY to our lives.

    The breakdown of society would not be ‘doable’ for the intentions of those who benefit from that destruction if people KNEW what the proper definitions were for things like what is to be between two spouse who are ONE flesh..ONE LIFE.

    The intrusions were not by accident but many are not aware of how influences now over generations have been pressing into ‘changes’ which have been with the deliberate end toward people becoming independent from responsibilities …PERSONAL responsibilities for their own decisions and actions.

    With this kind of growing detachment has also come increasing insecurity which is a driving force behind people USING others for whatever ‘need’ they think they cannot get met anywhere else.

    Lacking knowledge of how FATHERS were to protect and provide for their children in all areas of life . instructing and demonstrating truths like self governing…of eyes, appetites, desires and various choices in quality companions…just to name a few …many people grow up not realizing they are at risk for disappointment simply because they have not known the purpose of life, marriage and family. They have not experienced any idea of what the VALUE is of loyalty , honesty thought they desire it for their own lives from others.

    Appetite run loose is a pretty good definition of a baby …no awareness nor sense of responsibility at ‘either end’!

    Chaos is the result of turning from the God who has all the information we need to avoid harm.

    A young girl who does not have a father who understands the command for him to protect his daughter ‘s sense of value and that being more than her shape or appearance or even her talent …will seek some kind of acceptance or at the least some sense of ‘value ‘ in any kind of attention she is able to get.

    A young man who does not learn to respect women from his father’s attention to him and example of how this is important for his own welfare and sense of masculine pride [ the good kind] will seek to gain some kind of ‘identity’ from the women he gets to go along with his various manipulations.

    Our society rewards those who are able to manipulate others well with some kind of sense of power over others.

    Jesus told us that the greatest among us is to be a servant…a servant not to fulfill others lusts or to encourage their weakness and dignity but a servant of GOD who is willing to be obedient to the boundaries and to KEEP Boundaries which not only protect their own lives and souls but that of others.

    No one loves anyone well who is willing to use that person for their own gratification or means to an illegal end.

    How sad that those who do not learn ..even as adults to value boundaries and keep promises are continuing to find approval for such damaging behavior …not only ‘getting away ‘ [ for a while] with destructive behavior and devious attitudes but our society has a growing demand to allow without any inhibitions things which are very like the things we have read about societies like Sodom, Gomorrah, Corinth and the like.

    Destruction not only follows those who freely indulge who do not stop and change …but it also grows to the proportion that destroys entire empires..

    God is not mocked ..but even if HE is not presently ‘punishing’ …sin has within it the power to steal , kill and destroy which is why GOD who loves us tells us NOT to indulge!

    All that is good is given to us WITHIN the boundaries that GOD has provided not to inhibit or deter our lives but to enhance and protect us within them.

    If everyone is ‘entitled’ to take whatever everyone else has then sooner or later there will be a decline in quality and value of those things.

    In a personal way …When my husband refused to value the vows he took to GOD and me before all of our family and our friends…he DECIDED to follow the social ‘gospel’ that everyone is ‘entitled ‘ to his time , energy, resources, money and even sexual energy …all at the loss of valuing anyone he engaged in these things with AND it cost him the deeper relationship with me AND our children which he is trying to somehow ‘build’ now . It is somewhat deterred by the fact that he is STILL of a mind that everyone should have equal status within his various relationships.

    It has rendered none of them more than superficial efforts to offer Things rather than commitment and loyalty to those who should have been able to expect it.

    Those who are outside the marriage and family also do not value what he has stolen and given them …because they were not willing to make deeper commitments themselves . It was a lose/lose…and use/USE …type of exchange.

    And people wonder why they are never satisfied!

    1. Zaza,

      It is good hearing from you. You have made some astute observations on boundaries (jurisdictions). In modern society, boundaries are routinely violated, blurred or undermined. The slogan “No Limits” is in use in more ways that just selling things. Many people view boundaries as oppressive, when the reality is very different. The boundaries/jurisdictions are in place to help us make sense of things, know what is our responsibility and what is the responsibility of others. Boundaries are also a form of love. We often put self-imposed boundaries on ourselves out of love and devotion to our Savior and spouse. Sure, we can violate them, yet out of love we limit ourselves. This kind of self-discipline runs counter to ‘no limits’ of modern progressive culture. What they do not realize is the interconnectedness of those ‘boundaries’. Encroaching on them often triggers a sequence of events and problems.

      Once many feelings, passions, or energies are ‘unleashed’ they can not easily be brought back under control. Horses can accomplish great things, but only if their great strength is under control and bridled. Untamed horses cannot accomplish such great things.

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