Can your marriage survive wife swapping?

 

 

A reader asked “Can a marriage survive wife swapping?” The simple answer is”Yes, your marriage can survive wife swapping”.

The more challenging concern is “How” wife swapping or swinging changes your marriage. Surviving wife swapping is not the same thing as your marriage being the same after wife swapping.

Your marriage will NOT be the same after wife swapping. Wife swapping changes your marriage and it changes you.

One of the areas of damage concerns how wife swapping changes your marriage is how it changes your thinking. Wife swapping transforms your wife into a commodity.

She’s is no longer ‘special’ and your relationship limited to a special one that only the two of you share. With swapping, she becomes an interchangable commodity, like lego blocks that can be switched and swapped depending on what color or shape you are looking for.

You may have considered what happened as ‘sharing’ or ‘expanding your sexual horizons’ or package it in some other swanky phrase. The bottom line is that swinging or swapping commoditizes your wife and yourself. It’s not only the wife that becomes a commodity.

Some swingers even go so far as to post photos of themselves or their spouse on the internet advertising “this week’s special” in hopes of customers or ‘takers’.

Those photos or ads are not about bragging, they are about advertising. Marriages were never designed as places of commodities and dealing with market forces and advertising.

When marriage becomes a commodity, a shelf life is attached to it. The commodity is in demand for a limited amount of time.

When your marriage becomes a commodity, a dynamic is created that is not within the normal dynamics of marriage. It puts an unfamiliar strain on the relationship.

Once the barriers protecting your marriage have been damaged, they are not so easily repaired. Once the mental shift is made to commodity, what follows is a consumer-oriented thinking that happens.

The two of you then start focusing on what your market for your product is. You become concerned with screening out ‘undesirables’ and finding just the right customers for your product.

You start looking for the ‘right’ couples to swing or swap with.

Marriages were not designed for market forces. When your marriage turns into a commodity, it also brings a dehumanizing element. This dehumanization will need to be addressed as part of the recovery/surviving of the wife swap. You’ll have to restore the dignity back into your marriage.

Getting back from swinging is not like turning on or off an electrical switch. Relationships are not analog devices. Before you get out, there will have to be a powering down of things.

You and your spouse will have to rewire and reprogram many things in your thinking, your heart and your behaviors. Switching your marriage back to a relationship requires a ‘hard reset’ in many areas.

It can be done, yet in order for it to be done right, both of you will be resetting many areas of your lives. Things like “What marriage is?”, “What the purpose of sex is?”, “How you view yourself”, “How you view your spouse”, “Boundaries” and other issues will need re-establishing.

For added help in recovering from the sudden change, the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma for Swingers” gets you started in overcoming some of the sensitive issues.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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