A reader left the remark, “My husband left me when we started swinging”. It saddens me when I hear of husbands leaving wives and wives leaving husbands.
Swinging throws your marriage relationship into a whole new dynamic. One of possible consequences of that new dynamic is that your spouse leaves.
There can be various motives for them leaving. They may have discovered that they really don’t like you being with someone else, or maybe you enjoyed yourself too much, or maybe they discovered that they found someone they enjoy more. There could also be other reasons.
Swinging and the relationship dynamics it brings opens up new possibilities for your relationship and for problems.
A basic understanding of chemistry tells you that whenever a chemical bond is broken, there’s a shift in energy.
There’s an energy change whenever bonds are broken or created. It happens on a molecular level and on the level of relationships. That’s basic chemistry.
When you have the kind of energy shift that happens with swinging, things change. Bonds can not be created and broken without a shift in energy.
If you are expecting relationships to be the same after a bond is broken, you’re in for a let down. When it doesn’t happen in chemistry, what makes you think that it won’t happen in a marriage relationship?
When your relationship experiences a sudden shift in energy like a broken bond, there is a risk that your relationship may end. Granted the energy we are talking about is more sexual and emotional, which are forms of energy. All energy follows the laws of science for energy.
Some swingers want the buzz or energy surge that comes with making and breaking bonds. They may even become energy junkies, wanting activities that have ever increasing amounts of energy involved. If it wasn’t for the energy, the appeal would not exist for some people.
You can apply all kinds of persuasion and manipulation to your marital relationship, but all that talk wont change the science involved. Talk doesn’t change scientific laws (an neither do articles in the Huffington Post).
Another application of science is that once energy reactions start, you can not totally control them. Sure you can have safeguards in place, but you never have 100% control.
When a couple swings, they are never in 100% control (with the exception of S&M situations, which take control dynamics to the extreme). When applies to swinging, once the swinging starts, you can’t predict or control what will happen or how fast it happens.
You cannot predict and control the emotional bonding either in terms of whether it happens, the power of those bonds or how the energy shift will unfold.
In weakening the bonds of marriage by swinging, you may start a dynamic you did not foresee.
It is better to not even cross the line into the world of swinging or “the lifestyle” as it is often referred to.
If you have crossed the line into that world, you can still escape it. Yes, things will be different than they were before you entered it. Although the changes can’t be reversed, they can be healed.
The Affair Recovery Workshop provides you with tools for improving communication, increasing intimacy and transforming your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
