Growing up in the suburbs of Houston, one of the childhood games we played was “Mother May I?” In it, you asked questions about whether or not you have permission to proceed along with how you do it.
Each question was preceded with “Mother, may I…?”
You learned the importance of crafting your “Mother May I?” questions carefully. How you crafted your questions determined who won or lost the game.
In a similar way, when I saw the question “Should I leave my cheating bipolar spouse?” it reminded me of the old “Mother May I?” game. This kind of question strikes me as you asking for ‘permission’ to leave your spouse.
Somehow when an expert says it’s okay to leave your spouse, you can appease your conscience.
If I say, “yes”, then you can dump your spouse and not feel guilty about it since ‘the counselor’ said it was “okay” to do. If I say “no”, then you may resent me for making you stay with what seems to be an impossible situation.
Responding to such questions often requires the wisdom of King Solomon to answer you with a definitive ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I learned long ago that such questions, although sincere are often ‘set-ups’.
The more difficult question for those of you facing such situations is “Did you mean what you said when you vowed to love them in sickness and in health?”
Are there some sicknesses that you stay true to your spouse and some sicknesses that you can use as a “get out of marriage free” card? Did your marriage vows cover those illnesses?
Somehow when the illness is a mental illness, many of you believe it gives you an out, while other illnesses or conditions such as colds, broken appendages, accidents or paralytic situations are no reason to leave your spouse.
Besides mental illness, conditions like stroke and Alzheimer’s are nowadays used as ‘get out of marriage free’ situations. The logic is that since they can’t have relations with you, that it’s okay to cheat.
Putting the mental health and debilitating condition issues in a separate categories shows that the stigma associated with these conditions still exists. A few years ago, you may have been able to justify such actions.
One of the problems is that more research is suggesting that even bipolar and other mood disorders may have their origins in ‘infections’.
This puts the questioner in a bind. Should they leave your spouse over a condition due to an infection? If it is justified with bipolar, then it is not too far of a stretch to dump them for influenza or a cold.
Bipolar disorders, with the wide mood swings often have affairs associated with them. When in a manic state, people often engage in behaviors they would not otherwise do.
Purchasing multiple refrigerators, televisions, etc. is also one of the things that such manic-driven people do. Affairs are just another way they deal with their manic states.
Perhaps the question could be re-worded to “How can I leave my bipolar spouse when they can’t control their cheating?”
Best Regards,
Jeff
