When you’re e dealing with an affair, some of you may struggle with asking for help. You’ll find yourself going through a series of challenges.
Struggling with admitting that the affair happened to you, struggling with admitting it to someone other than yourself, then comes the challenges of seeking help.
There may be many reasons for the struggles. Some imposed by culture, some by community, some by shame, some by the way you were raised. Whatever the root cause of the struggle, they require effort in moving past them.
The struggle is hard enough without obstacles being placed in your pathway. Often just admitting that you need help with the affair is tough enough as you wrestle with honesty and shame.
Hiding the signs that you’re looking for answers or learning about affairs can make you feel like you are the one doing something wrong. The moral pendulum shouldn’t be making you feel bad or guilty for getting help.
Some of these obstacles of asking for help can be overcome by using an alternate e-mail address, ghost address or pseudonym. With these tactics, you can avoid being discovered. Your true identity can be hidden.
You can obtain the information and help you need without public shaming.
One of the problems that I’ve experienced is coming from the unlikely source of ‘social networking sites’. Yes, those same sites that allow cheaters to ‘hook up’ also places barriers in place that keep sites, like SurviveYourPartnersAffair.com from advertising and letting those of you who are looking for help from finding us.
In the case of facebook, the ‘powers that be’ considered us to be purveyors of sex toys and adult material. Those policies act like speed bumps slowing people down from getting help.
Even Google considers us an adult-oriented site, with all the baggage that comes with that. It means that if you have parental filters or filter out adult oriented material, Google may block you from seeing us.
Barriers such as these make getting the help you need more difficult than it needs to be. This is part of what happens when you take stands on moral issues, such as affairs.
With shifts in how society defines morality, it also shifts what is now considered ‘adult material’. Instead of looking at how rebuilding trust improves families, how improving communication skills helps your marriage or how overcoming lying makes your life better, google and facebook focus on ‘affairs’ as adult material.
It’s true that affairs are adult material, yet the healing and benefits of help are not.
It’s hard enough for you getting courage in reaching out for help without the search engines and social networking sites making your efforts more challenging.
Best Regards,
Jeff
