Can a marriage be saved after an exit affair?

A reader asked “Can a marriage be saved after an exit affair?” The clear, direct and simple answer to this question is “Yes, a marriage can be saved after an exit affair.”  The question, although sincere, reveals a common problem.

The questioner is looking for a ‘quick fix’ and quick answers.  This quick fix mindset is one of the problems associated with affairs. The quick fix mindset wants fast results and easy answers.

 

The ‘quick fix approach’ avoids responsibilities, avoids pain and takes short cuts.When it comes to your marriage, short cuts are always damaging in one way or another.

When cheater used exit affairs, they are also looking for ‘quick fix’ answers to their pain and issues. They used the affair as a ‘quick fix’ to their problems. That quick fix got results, but not good results.

Now as the spouse, you want a quick fix as well. Although the answer to your question is “Yes!” , all the answer will do is give you a little bit of hope. You want the quick fix to save your marriage, while the cheater in an exit affair is wanting the quick fix out of your marriage.

The cheater in an exit affair wants you to divorce them. They want you to view the affair as the ‘end of your marriage’. They want you to believe that the damage too their marriage is beyond repair.

When you are facing an exit affair, you need hope, yet there are other things you need even more than hope and in larger portions.

First, all affairs have the potential of turning into ‘exit affairs’. What makes the exit affair different is that the cheater had the intention of using the affair as a tool to exit your marriage. The lover in such affairs becomes a ‘non-issue’.

They are being used as a tool. It is not that the cheater is madly in love with the lover, they are using the lover as their ticket out of the marriage. The lover is a convenient manufactured way for the cheater to leave.

Secondly, a better question would have been “How do I save my marriage after an exit affair?” or “What do I need to do to get my spouse back after an exit affair?”. Such questions look for real answers and direction. If you want something more than ‘hope’ these are the kinds of questions you want answers to.

Asking such questions indicates that you are looking for a plan and what to do. You want something more than just ‘hope’. You want something more than quick fix talk. You want solutions.  If you are asking such questions  consider the Affair Recovery Workshop. It gives you real answers and direction beyond the simple “Yes, your marriage can be saved” responses.

It shows you the “how” that comes next.

A quick response without a plan amounts to wishing for the best and doing nothing to change things. The workshop gives you step-by-step instructions in addressing the problems in your marriage, from what to talk about, how to talk about what matters, finding better ways of improving intimacy, and working together to solve the issues surrounding the affair instead of working against each other.

Thirdly, with ‘exit affairs’, time is not your friend. You will want to take action NOW. Each day you wait means there are more obstacles to overcome. There will be more emotions that you have to work through, and more to forgive. You may be one of those people than enjoys or needs to suffer another day or one more week.

I wish I could say that “I understand”,  but I don’t. If it were my marriage, I would take action NOW. I don’t like hurting and suffering. I need my spouse and would do what it takes to get her back as soon as possible.

You may feel like you don’t deserve your spouse, or don’t deserve a good marriage. Putting off your decision to take action is another way of punishing yourself.  You have a little bit of hope, but what are you going to do next?

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

 

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