When Jim married Lisa, he entered their marriage prepared for just about anything. Having grown up in a tech-savvy culture that encourages you to make back-ups of everything, he saw nothing wrong with having a ‘back-up plan’ in case things did not work out with Lisa.
He viewed his plan as ‘being smart’. Jim thought that by having such a back-up plan, he would always have relationship security.
If things did not work out with Lisa, he had all his connections on facebook and other social media sites. He knew that with a few messages, he could quickly re-ignite the fire in all those old relationships.
He knew better than to present his ‘friend’ list to Lisa as having numerous former lovers, or people he went out with. Instead by calling them old friends or people he works with or friends from school, there would not be any red flags raised. He actually thought that what he was doing was playing it smart.
According to a 2014 study of relationships, Jim’s behavior is common with many couples. In the study of 374 people, the researchers found that this behavior is more common with men than with women.
Another surprising study shows that half of married women already have their back-up husband plans in the even things get sour in their marriage. Back-up plans are not limited to husbands.
Although the number of participants is somewhat low, if these back burner relationships are as common as the researchers claim. The story of Jim and Lisa may be happening in your marriage as well.
One of the glaring warning signs exhibited by Jim is the lack of commitment to his marriage. When you keep ‘back doors’ open, you are showing a lack of faith in your spouse along with an inadequate commitment to your marriage.
I can also tell you that Jim has MAJOR trust issues as well. It may take Lisa a few years to see them, yet just by keeping those contacts and the ‘back door’ mentality, his actions scream “I CAN’T BE TRUSTED!”
Jim’s behavior is also showing some precursors of keeping secrets from Lisa. by not being upfront and honest with her, he is creating room for secrets.
If as a newlywed he is already keeping things from her, there will be full-blown secrets by 6 months. There’s a high likelihood of a ‘communication crisis’ by the time they’re married 2 years and a major marital crisis before their fifth year of marriage, all starting with keeping the true nature of his list and contacts form Lisa.
Instead of ‘putting up with’ things like back-door contacts, you can turn your marriage around with tools found in the “How Can I Trust You Again?” video. Lisa can choose taking action now or waiting until there is a crisis between the two of them.
If the story of Lisa and Jim sounds familiar, you’ll want to click the link, fill out the form and within minutes start making your marriage better.
Best Regards,
Jeff
