“She’s got me over a barrel.” Doug was near tears as he considered his situation. He felt
utterly helpless in dealing with the crazy situation he found himself. He struggled for ways to keep his composure as he faced a situation where he felt like he had not control, whatsoever.
“She keeps telling lies about me. I can prove their lies, but it still makes me look bad in the eyes of the court.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “When I stand up, she claims that I abused her. If I go to court, it will put my kids in the middle of this mess. …and if I just ‘bend over and take it’, it leaves me feeling less of a man.”
He struggled with how his wife was now spreading rumors about him to his children, and talking about how terrible he was in front of their children. It is like she is trying to poison their mind and heart by turning them against him.
One of his friends said it sounded like “parent alienation”. Doug wasn’t sure what to call it, and everything else that was going on. He just knew he felt stuck in a trap.
Doug was experiencing anguish. He found himself feeling pressured on all sides. His pain was intense and made more intense by the ‘isolation’ he found himself in. In the past he could talk to his wife. Now that they were going through divorce, he couldn’t talk to the only person he was able to talk to.
He thought to himself, it was an understatement to say “this sucks”. It has sucked his money, time, and heart in dealing with this mess. At this point, it was futile to argue about who did what regarding the affair. It really didn’t matter now.
Doug thought, it would have been better to have tried working through things. Working things out would have been much easier than facing the kind of ‘no-win’ situation he was in now.
Doug found himself struggling just to get out of bed and go through his daily routine now. He was no longer able to make sense of his wife, or is it ex-wife, or…it gets so confusing. In his mind, it was still hard to call her his “ex-wife”. It made it sound like she was “x’d” out of his life. She has just changed so radically.
At first she talked about them still staying ‘friendly’. She made it sound like it was best for both of them. Then…she began acting like something straight out hell. It took every bit of self control Doug had to keep his anger back when she changed.
Now every interaction is a power struggle, that he tries to leave with his dignity and mind intact. He gave up on trying to avoid getting hurt. Anytime they had to deal with each other, someone always walked away hurt in one way or another.
When he did get his head clear, it was often filled with “If only….If only…If only”. He wished the two of them had done something to fix their marriage after the affair instead of letting it deteriorate.
You do not have to walk the lonely road that Doug walks. You can do something to change your life and your marriage. Before all the decision making gets taken away from you, make the choice to restore your marriage “After the affair” rather than ‘after the divorce’.
Best Regards,
Jeff
