Consequences of Affairs? What consequences?

Denise wanted her way. We all want our way, the big difference is that Denise wanted her way without dealing with the consequences. She grew up thinking that life should be like the movies and television, to where you can indulge in whatever you like, without the consequences and after 60 minutes of action, the show is over and you can change the channel.

Besides wanting her way, Denise is also attractive and charming. She often uses her skills in making those around her believe in her world.

She had a way of making everyone around her believe that anything is possible. She lived her life with a passion. Each day was a new adventure. This made her exciting, but also made her dangerous, in that she believed that when one day was over, it should be over and have no influence on other days.

When James met Denise, he found her intoxicating. Soon he was in love with her. At first, he considered her ways ‘a little quirky‘.  She definitely made life exciting for the two of them.

Each day was filled with new excitement. Fortunately James had a job that paid enough for him to initially keep up with Denise.

Things quickly soured when Denise had an affair. Things quickly went sideways. When James confronted her about it, she eventually admitted to it.

Even though she admitted to the affair, she avoided assuming any responsibility for it. It (the affair) made her feel good. She liked the way it made her feel, and disliked the way it felt when James confronted her about it.

She often said things about being ‘a grown woman’, and how she could choose who she wanted to love.

Over time, James observed that her moods became more extreme. She was either way up or way down. She went from being super clingy to being overly independent.It was as if there were moments that she was ‘normal’. James lived for those moments.

It was as if there were still some sparks of hope over the years. At first, that kept him going, but as her episodes became more extreme, the hopeful moments became rarer and rarer.

James felt like he was on a ‘merry-go-round’ from hell. Each day brought new extremes and surprises. He often found himself crying out of sheer frustration at seeing his wife so ‘out of control’.

James often wondered what new infection, illness or fantasy Denise would bring home whenever she had a night on the town. He lost count of how many hangovers, yeast infections and weird new things she wanted to try whenever she came home.

He wondered “who am I going to be waking up to today?” “Will it be the good Denise or the way-out Denise?”

In one of those times that Denise was responsive, she agreed to see a physician. He prescribed her medications, which she often did not take because she did not like the way they made her feel.

She wanted to have fun without consequences. She saw no connection between her moods and her behavior. She considered James a ‘killjoy’ who was always bringing her down with his ‘talks’.

The story of Denise and James is a common one. Such situations leave few options for those involved. Living life without consequences sounds like fun, but it leads to a mindset filled with irresponsibility. Living life without consequences also meant always being on the lookout for the next big thing or excitement.

It is important to accept that actions have consequences. It is also important to accept that ideas have consequences as well. Doing things to ‘be cool’ or fit in and assuming that there will not be any consequences to your actions is unrealistic. It is downright crazy makin’.

Turning their marriage around will take effort. Taking the easy way out by ignoring the consequences or thinking that you are an exception to consequences only puts you in a place that takes more effort just to make it through the day.

Turning things around requires effort, yet it takes more effort just ‘treading water’ and hanging in there. Hanging in there drains you emotionally.

Each one of Denise’s episodes took a little more love and life out of their marriage. James was renting office space in hell rather than buying two tickets out of it for he and Denise.

How will you spend your energy today?

Rather than renting space, like James, you can start making changes and turning things around with the “Affair Recovery Workshop“. The methods and techniques guide you through recovery from an affair, regaining your health, sanity and communication.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

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