Protecting your spouse from Affairs

 

Have you ever given any thought about ‘protecting’ your spouse. Do you realize that little by little, your ability to protect your spouse is being encroached upon? Part of pledging to love, honor and cherish’ your spouse includes ‘protecting’ them as well.

Affairs are a threat to your protecting your spouse. They pose a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual threat to your marriage.

Physically, affairs are a potential threat to your spouse and you. It exposes you to infections, bacteria and stresses that take a toll on your physical well-being. The cheater is exposed to these things and brings them home to you. If their lover is not as ‘clean’ as you are, it will take the threat to your health to a whole new level.

Then there is also the potential of domestic violence. With an affair, there is a risk of violence from both the cheater and the lover. Affairs put you in physical danger.

In an age where warnings are required on items that have a potential for health effects, it seems that those same kind of warnings are needed for affairs. They can mess you up MORE than second hand smoke, yet they do not come with a warning. In fact, many cheaters will insist that you do not have the right to stop what they are doing. That is some messed up logic.

Emotionally, each day the cheater is involved in the affair, the threat that the lover will still their heart intensifies. Relationships are never static. Two people are always either growing closer or further apart. In the case of an affair, each day encroaches on your emotional health.

There are also the issues of emotional turmoil that the affair brings into your home. If a stranger stirred up that kind of stuff in your home, you would show them to the door without hesitation.

Mentally, the affair changes the brain of the cheater. They will not be the same as they were before the affair, no matter what they tell you. The new connections formed in their brain can not be undone.

The damage is long term. If you sold a home that had a damaged foundation, you would be required to disclose it, yet with affairs, even though the brain has been changed, it does not come with a warning or disclosure.

The affair also changes how the cheater processes information. It changes the way they view things, remember things and decision-making. These changes are not limited to the cheater either. Your thinking is also changed by the affair.

How you look at life, relationships, your marriage and your spouse have been changed.What you think about many things is different. Just consider the difference in how you thought BEFORE the affair in contrast to how you think now. When the cheater tells you “I am the same person, I haven’t changed” they are mistaken. They’ve changed, and you’ve changed.

This brings me to the issue of protection.

When you take steps to protect your spouse from these dangers, there will be fallout. One reason for this is that you are not playing by the cheater’s rules. When you protect your spouse rather than allow them to be a defenseless victim, you are taking charge.

You are protecting what is yours. The cheater may not appreciate it, or express their gratitude at the time. They are blind to the danger in front of them.

Like a child you rescue from the street out of the pathway of an oncoming vehicle, when you intervene and protect your spouse they react to you stopping them from doing what they thought was ‘fun’. They are not seeing the impending threat coming their way. They do not see the danger.

Even though they may say things that make you feel like a bad guy, you are not. You are not doing wrong in protecting your spouse and your marriage relationship from threats. You are not being mean by intervening to stop the affair.

The best product I have in protecting you and your spouse is “30 Days to a Better Marriage”. The 30 day programs guides you through steps that improve your marriage communication.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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3 Responses

  1. Amen…all of the above and then some
    I recall how my husband had watched the movie Fatal Attraction and how he remarked how scary it was
    The. Apparently it was not scary enough
    Not only is the OW a long history of therapy going all the way back to high school
    Now with him “giving” her two children there is an added unknown future mental health of those children as they get older
    The std he ga e me
    And the severe emptying of our life savings as he attempts to provide for them
    His own “single guy” place and his dog which is the size of a small horse
    But the rest of my life does not nearly approach the way years of service and sacrifice of our entire family toward more conscientious retirement becoming a reality
    Expecting those who skillfully spend a lifetime exploiting the trust of a family intent upon learning and living authentic moral lives to be cionsiderate let alone grateful is sadly a fantasy
    Protecting his children of adultery from any contact or relationship with our family is far more important to him than the thought of protecting us
    And we have done nothing whatsoever since D Day in the last 8 Years to merit this kind of treatment
    I think he projects his paranoia which may be based upon what he believes he is due upon those victimized by such massive betrayal
    What hurts me most now is how it effect our children as they observe this….and even as adults it may be even worse since they are old enough and see what is what
    There is no justice this side of eternity presently and this lawless state is getting worse
    Just as scripture prophesied

    1. Zaza,

      You have definitely been through a real life ‘Fatal Attraction’. I found the movie quite disturbing on many levels. One of those levels is how ‘true to life’ it is. What many cheaters fail to realize is that when they are able to get into the lovers pants, that there is a reason for that. When lovers have weak boundaries like that, it is a sign that there are weak boundaries in other areas as well, such as self-control, anger management, etc. Cheating is variation of Russian roulette. The movies and popular culture have so glamorized it to where those involved do not see the dangers. The dangers are real.

      In keeping your spouse from affairs, you are not keeping them from fun, you are protecting them from a living hell. The dangers are real. The risks are real and the consequences are long-term.

  2. Indeed
    One form of arrogance manifests in a false humility and a “generosity” which displays as a form of social justice
    Which is no justice in its realty
    No wonder generations buy the lie that there are no consequences for choices since it is more and more expected to be borne by everyone else
    Major disconnect from personal responsibility which is in some ways the fruit of the self esteem movement and post modern indoctrination I contended
    The. Berean Call had a great article today in discussion of the pseudo science psychology forms as it impacts the Christian community misapplying confidence at the expense of confidence in scripture…leading away from building trust in the key of Gods Word as trustworthy to deal with life issues acknowledging how sin is at the root of the choices people make unbound that salvation in Jesus Christ provides for all areas of life
    In many ways it is due to a move away from personal study of the Word and learning by way of the Holy Spirit working within the born again believer
    As Gods word has noted “my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”
    Personal study in the Bible has been set aside for a quick fix mentality …summary or digest knowledge taught through man
    The Berean Call is having a discussion with two people who have been in the psych profession but have taken a deeper look at what scripture has to say in regard to how to minister to those in the body of Christ
    I know you have a lot of info and experience in this field with a heart to help and counsel
    I always find listening to people who are growing in the walk and knowledge of the Word in any area of life as it offers much in dimension to understanding as the Holy Spirit brings all things in comparison with scripture useful.
    Fascinating contributions to our understanding in all areas as we go on and continue to stay in His Word ….study in all that we encounter or think
    Taking captive every thought to the obedience of Christ
    We keep on….

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