After an affair is discovered, you will likely experience a period of time where the two of you try working things out on your own. This is a natural reaction. There is something about being able to fix the problem ‘in house’ or by yourselves that has its own rewards. The repairs and corrections may be stop-gap and awkward, being an amalgamation of emotional duct tape, super glue and rubber bands of love.
In some cases, these homemade repairs work. In other cases, like many homemade repairs, more serious work is needed. You may find yourself vacillating as to whether or not the two of you ‘need help’. Asking for help from outside people is often a big challenge.
Seeking help for your marriage often involves several questions.
-Can my marriage be helped?
-Do I need help for my marriage?
-Am I willing to ask for and receive help?
You may be one of those who try rushing through such questions, bu using one question that you hope answers all the above and then some. You may ask “Do I need help for my marriage?” knowing full well that the two of you not only need help, you know that you need serious professional help. You need the kind of help that is beyond duct tape and super glue. You also need help in fixing things in the right place, the right way.
It could be that the two of you fixed what you knew to fix. Your problems may be in another area. Not every problem may be due to what you think it is. Let me illustrate with a story about my wireless internet provider. For a couple years, anytime there was a problem with speed, page loading intermittent service or a host of other concerns, the standard reply was “How old is your router?” Although I know that in IT (Information technology) circles, there may be some simple solutions that fix most problems. It could have been that we had problems with our router, but after changing out three routers, I began using another method of problems solving. With that new method, it has been surprising how many of those other issues have been worked out, rather than repeating the same old complaint and receiving the same of response of “How old is your router?”
If the same old problems keep coming up in your marriage, over and over again, you may need another solution. If you and your spouse keep re-fighting the same old fight, you need help. If you keep fixing the same old problem over and over, you may need a new solution, rather than just assume it is the same old problem again and again. If your solution did not work, it could be that you fixed the wrong problem.
One solution is the “Affair Recovery Workshop”. It provides solutions to communication issues, intimacy problems, breaking the family pattern of affairs and more, all in your own home. Think about the possibility of getting help without embarrassment, having to drive an hour each way to the therapist, and getting help without the insurance company knowing about it or having to worry about anyone’s therapy notes being discovered. It could be the answer to your question “Do I need help in my marriage?” with solutions that are so much more than duct tape, super glue or sharing and staring episodes in a group.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
