In surviving an affair, many of your beliefs will be challenged. One area where your beliefs will be challenged concerns powerlessness and helplessness.
When Sabrina discovered that her husband was having an affair, her world fell apart. Physically she felt weak, even to the point of fainting. It was so inconceivable that her husband had an affair, that her world ‘fell apart’.
The news not only felt like a blow which left her weak, she believed she was powerless and helpless to do anything about her situation. Since she was dependent on her husband, those feelings of being powerless and helpless were magnified.
The helplessness and powerlessness left her feeling trapped. At first, the sensation was akin to being in a jail cell. Over time, it felt more like a pit that she had been thrown into. She was not only stuck, she believed that there was nothing she could do that could change things or even make a difference. The longer she stayed in her pit, the worse it became. Each day in the pit, it seemed as if it became deeper and deeper. There was a now a sinking sensation added to the sensations of being trapped, feeling helpless and powerless.
What changed her situation was when she quit believing that she was powerless and helpless. Although friends had tried giving her encouragement, it was only when she changed what she believed that things began changing. She realized that she had to change her thinking.
Once Sabrina realized she had some power over her situation, things started changing. When she accepted the change, she saw more options. She began seeing things she could do. As she saw things she could do, the sinking sensation stopped. As the sinking stopped, she began having a little hope.
Each time she exercised a little more power, she had a little more hope and felt less trapped. The change was gradual. The more she used her power, the more power she had. There were times that she slipped back into the old pit, but each time she returned, she spent less and less time there.
Eventually, there were no more slips back into the pit. She saw more that she could do. She once again felt hopeful. She saw that there were things she could do in response to the affair. There were things she could do to improve her relationship with her spouse, there were ways to heal their marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
