When checking out from the grocery store yesterday, I was reminded of the trauma that affairs often bring.
This happened while checking out. Somewhere between the bananas and the iceburg lettuce, the conversation went from the typical chit-chat to her revealing how her life was blown-apart by her husband of 21-years telling her he wants ‘a divorce’ over the phone.
She was stunned by his actions, as you would be as well. Imagine the sudden blow of being told you are no longer wanted, needed or desired by phone! Break-ups are tough anyway. Doing it by email or over the phone serves up the bad news cold.
The trauma of such news hits you like a tidal wave. When it is done in a cold manner it has a way of increasing the SHOCK value of such actions. Traumas are always tough. When it hits with a sudden coldness, it will rattle and stun you to your core. I could tell that the cashier was stunned by the news. She had no clue it was coming. It was not anything she expected. The damage was made worse by her having to deal with two children still at home.
Besides telling her that he wanted a ‘divorce’, he also laid out his other demands regarding visitation and living arrangements. I guess that while she was stunned, he felt like it was the best time to hit with those other issues. The old expression “hit ’em while their down” is certainly one he subscribes to. While she is numb from the news, slam her with his other demands.
Perhaps he felt that with such a massive shock, he would stand a better chance of getting what he wanted.
The cashier did not convey whether or not an affair was involved, although an affair would explain any kind of sudden, out of the blue changes like this. My guess is that he has been plotting and planning this move for a while. Perhaps he wanted to get it all over at once. I am sure he is hurting as well. He may want the pain to get over as soon as possible, and felt like this was his best option.
Sadly, the story of the cashier and her trauma happens too often these days. Couples move past the romantic stage of their lives and get lost in their relationship. Rather than work it out, the choice is made to end it and start a new one.
Sadly, starting a new one leaves those involved impaired and increases the likelihood that they will repeat the same patterns and mistakes again. Rather than move forward, they are sent back to “GO” and loose money along the way.
If your marriage is at such a point, you have a choice of ‘facing the trauma’ of the cold news of the call, or you can work on your marriage by improving communication, trust and intimacy. The choice is yours.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
2 Responses
Sorry …this is not a bitter observation but after much study of Ty Bible dealing with character issues his guy sounds like a soulless, empty suit of a coward
Immaturity is revealed in ways any jr hi teacher can spot miles away
Too many men ha e no idea how God instructs them to nurture and protect their love for the woman they once could not live without
I used to give a lot of slack due to my own upbringing during the uber gender neutralizing eras of feminism and various programming to nueter men and women to the degree that marriage , families and children now demonstrate the destructiveness of such confusion
God designed man and woman with specific qualities and long suits which for the most part ordained jurisdictions within marriage and identities people may find in the new birth transformation which the renewed mind on His wisdom would supply an appreciation for.
Apart from understanding which comes from recognizing God KNOWS what. He had in mind as to HOW life and marriage in particular functions to mature and bring about the best of what is useful and even satisfying …and increasingly so as time together faithfully will reveal…people are stunted in their understanding and contentment with the spouse and life they are presented with day by day ..hour by hour to overcome by trusting and applying what they COULD learn from stiudy and receiving from Gods Word ..
But alas…many are just too self oriented and world oriented to take the time and also as God points out , they do not like to retain the knowledge of God in their thinking
Making a God of their own preference “frees” them but in truth it is a prison of never ending unrest of the soul
May that cashier and those like her find the answer in the only man who gave HIMSELF for the sake of whomsoever wills to receive Him and His precious life giving Word
Zaza,
Thank you for your observation on this matter. The manner in which the man expressed his desire for a divorce was …sad, really sad. Tragically many people, both men and women view marriage as something to use and dispose of rather than work through things. Just this past weekend, I was at a conference where John Bradshaw remarked that “Marriage is the best therapist of all”. Although I have problems with some of his conclusions and assessments, this observation shows some wonderful insight.
God often uses spouses to improve each other. When spouses bail on their marriage, they miss out on many blessings and valuable times. You expressed part of this with your comment “people are stunted in their understanding and contentment with the spouse and life they are presented with day by day ..hour by hour to overcome by trusting and applying what they COULD learn from stiudy and receiving from Gods Word “. Many spouses do indeed miss out on what they could have had. Instead they chase after some romantic fantasy that can never be. Their thinking is too filled with I, Me, Mine to have any room for God, much less their spouse.
My heart went out to the cashier and her husband. The incident broke my heart. Part of me wished it was all a movie or imagined, but that is not the case. They both definitely need the prayers of myself, yourself and the other readers.