Time Magazine recently published an issue of their magazine with the lead story being “Is Monogamy Over?”
In the article, the magazine solicits opinions from their cherry picked ‘experts’ as to whether or not they believe monogamy is over.
When you consider the big picture, it is more than ironic that last month, a blogger at Huffington Post posed the question “Does the Ashley Madison hack spell the end of monogamous marriage?” When major news outlets question the institution of monogamy, it amounts to a soft attack on marriage. I find it totally bizarre that the media outlets want to question monogamy and marriage rather than question infidelity. They are putting the wrong activity under a microscope.
I believe monogamy is NOT over.
Monogamy is not over by a long shot. I believe in marriage. I believe in monogamy. I believe that marriages can survive affairs. I believe that your marriage can survive an affair.
What is clear, is that monogamous marriage is under attack, from the media and also the pseudo-science pundits that say that monogamy is unnatural. The basic strategy is to say that as humans we are mammals and since most mammals are not monogamous, we shouldn’t be monogamous. This line of thinking amounts to lowering our status as humans to the level of animals.
I am not a biologist. I do know about statistics. I also know the difference between what good science looks like and what sloppy science looks like. I do not like it when you and others are mislead by sloppy science. I also know the power of comparisons. When you compare apples with oranges, it will give you different results than comparing Jonagold apples to Jazz apples (which are my favorite).
When you are trying to justify animal-like morals and behavior making a comparison with the animal kingdom is a logical option. In doing so, they throw morals and cultural traditions out the window. It amounts to going to the lowest common denominator rather than encouraging people to be their best, be moral or reach for higher standards and purpose.
Although such pseudo scientists talk about men wanting to spread their genes, in my mind, it is about old-fashioned selfishness. They want MORE! These men operate under the assumption that they can service and make several women happy. They want love without commitment. In previous times they were called dandies, alley cats, men about town or other various names. They lacked basic self-control. It is not a matter of spreading genes. If it was about spreading genes, why don’t these same men flock to blood donation centers or other genetic service facilities? They don’t because it is not about spreading their genes, it is about lack of sexual self control.
Monogamy has been under attack for centuries. Some of the attacks come in the form of organized efforts, while others are attacks on the morals behind monogamy.
A better question worth considering is “What bothers people about monogamy?” When the foundation of a culture and civilization rests on solid marriages and families, I wonder what bothers so many people about it. What is so offensive about loving your spouse and excluding all others? Excluding all others from your marriage makes for more stable families, healthier families, and better mental health for everyone involved.
Another question worth considering is “What it will take to help couples prevent disposable marriages?” If the reasons for people straying was examined in terms of what makes them think marriage is over, or hat makes them seek unnatural relations, it would change things.
The media instead looks for fault in marriage. That way, cheaters are off the hook. The problem lies in the marriage rather than bad moral choices or poor self-control on the part of the cheater. I suspect that the current media attack on marriage is more about comforting the cheaters. With Ashley Madison, you have 37,000,000 cheaters that do not want to think that what they did was wrong in any way. They want to view themselves as the victims.
In order to make 37,000,000 cheaters victims, what do you do? What do they have in common? One factor in common is that they are ‘married’. If the common factor is marriage, the only way to get the 37,000,000 off the hook is to say that ‘monogamy is at fault’. When you blame monogamy, then the 37,000,000 suddenly become virtuous victims of the institution of monogamous marriage.
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.