The economics of an affair

Have you ever considered an affair from an economics standpoint?  Most of you probably haven’t consider it.

Affairs are often looked at emotionally or psychologically rather than financially. Looking at an affair from the economic standpoint is not fun, although it is informative.

Economics is about the value choices people make regarding their money. From an economics viewpoint, having an affair is about redirecting your money to another relationship. The money you spend reflects the value you place on that relationship. The more you spend, the more you value it or what you get out of it.

The average cost of an affair is $444.00 dollars a month. With the average affair lasting six months, you are looking at a minimum of $2664.00. Keep in mind that some last longer and cost more.

When you consider that 61% of Americans can not come up with $1000.00 cash in hand for an emergency situation, this is concerning. It says that people care more about affairs than handling family emergencies. That statement shows a selfish side to cheaters.

Look at the affair in terms of financial priorities. The average cheater can not keep the money on hand to handle a household emergency of $1000, yet manages to find enough for an affair each month.

The theologian Oswald Chamber once commented that “You can tell a man’s priorities by how he spends his time and money“. In the case of the ‘average cheater’, their priority is telling.

If that $444.00 they spend on the affair was directed to the family, that would take considerable of the pressure off the family. When the average weekly grocery bill of an American family is $146-$289, the money spent on an affair would cover the family groceries for two weeks! Two extra weeks of food for a family would make a HUGE difference to many families.

An intriguing question to consider is that if the average cheater does not have the money for an affair then where does the money come from? Who is financing their infidelity? Some cheaters would borrow it from friends or family. Some would pawn items for the affair.

Affairs aren’t cheap and the money has to come from somewhere.  In the event that the cheater borrows the money from friends or family, that makes those friends or family members either accomplices in the affair drama or victims of the cheater.

The funding of the affair is often a stone which is rarely turned over. When you examine who finances the affair, it gives you a different understanding of things. There may be fair weather friends and family members that are financing the undermining of your marriage.

Consider this as well. With the average affair costing $2664.00, there are consequences. This number would ruin the average American families savings account of $3950.00 by roughly 2/3.

This tells me that the average family can’t afford an affair. With many families on tight budgets, having that amount taken from the budget puts a strain on the whole family.

In the event that your family can afford an affair, can it afford a possible divorce? The average contested  divorce in 2006 costs between $15,000.000 and $30,000.00 dollars.

Keep in mind that the cost goes up as your income goes up. Divorces for the rich can be MUCH more expensive. Is it any wonder than many lawyers covertly encouraging you to ‘dump the chump’ or ‘ditch the bitch?’ They stand to garner financial gain from the damaged trust in your marriage.

They know you are vulnerable and they can potentially make money from your emotional vulnerability. The cheater already took advantage of you, so for them to do so is an easy task. You already played the victim once, what would it take to play the victim again? Not all lawyers will take advantage. There are some principled ones who won’t.

There are also some lawyers who take advantage of you, yet present it as “just looking out for you as their client” or they are “fighting for your rights”.

Those ploys make their taking advantage of your emotional vulnerability sound noble. They can find themselves sleeping well at night, while doing what they are doing and you or the cheater are taking a financial hit.

Keep in mind, that since the two of you are married, when the cheater takes a financial hit, YOU ALSO TAKE THE HIT! The two of you are a team. When one of you is injured it hurts both of you. If they have no money, then it will be up to you to fund them.

When you add the $2664.00 to the lowest range of divorces, you are looking at $17,664.00 dollars. If you earn the average income for a high school graduate of $30,000.00/year, this would amount to over half your annual wages.

If you had a professional degree and earned the average of $100,000.00/year, the low end of an affair ending in divorce would still cost you almost 20% of your annual income. Can you afford 20% of your income spent on another man or another woman?

This is just dealing with the legal fallout from the affair. If you seek psychotherapy or need medical attention for symptoms developed in dealing with the affair, the costs are even higher.

It is also important to consider that money questions are discussed regarding ‘affair relapse’. The cheater will need to demonstrate fiscal responsibility before you trust them with emotional and relational responsibilities.

If they can’t handle money, what makes you think you can trust them on an out-of-town business trip? If you start trusting the cheater with unstructured time when they have not shown the ability to handle money, you are asking for trouble.

In affair recovery money will need to be discussed in a factual, up front manner.  Breaking the habits of secrecy will need to happen piece by piece. A good place to start breaking the habit of keeping secrets is with money.

The area of money is another one of the areas that will need to be talked about as part of your affair recovery. The other areas I address in the Affair Recovery Workshop section following intimacy.

Best Regards,

Jeff