The Power of Shame

In previous generations, even the threat of shame was often strong enough to keep any tendency to stray in check. Potential cheaters did not want to risk being shamed by their actions. Although their heart wanted to cheat, they refused giving into urges due to fear of the potential fallout.

Cheaters were concerned about what the neighbors, family, and fellow church members would say and think. At that time, reputations were important. Few things ruined reputations like shame. Even though they may have wanted to cheat on the inside, they cared too much about their reputation to allow that to happen.

When it came to right and wrong, doing the right thing was considered the ethical thing to do. If you experienced any shame it was often seen as likely that you were doing something unethical or sinful.

Over time, the power of shame weakened. Cheating went from being a sin to being a choice. The social constraints that held cheaters back weakened. Cheating and adultery were no longer viewed as something that only ‘bad’ people did. The changes in morals led them to believe that decent people cheated as well.

The changes in morality brought a change in psychology as well. Cheating was no longer considered ‘bad’ behavior. In fact, bad behavior no longer existed. The old good-bad paradigm was changed to one where people considered what is ‘socially acceptable’ for any given situation. Behavior is now evaluated in terms of whether or not it is rational instead of whether or not it was shameful.

In fact, shame is now used as an extension of guilt to make people feel bad when they do not take the feelings of others into consideration. You are shamed for not thinking about other’s feelings. Shame is no longer connected to morality, but instead to sensuality (feelings).

Ethics now has to consider everybody’s feelings. You have to ethically consider the cheater’s feelings, the spouse’s and the lover’s. The ‘ethical’ choice is now the one based on taking everyone’s feelings into consideration rather than morality.

There are consequences for breaking the connection between shame and morality. In doing so, people justify any kind of perversion by claiming it is self-expression. The only person shamed these days are those who dare question the self-expression of others.

The consequences of removing shame from morality is especially notable in the area of affairs. What once kept behaviors under control is gone. We now have flood gate of sexual misbehavior that runs wild. Any kind of guilt is covered over with medications or drugs. Any secondary effects of the guilt has been grouped together and classified as ‘erectile dysfunctions‘ and treated with pharmaceuticals. Remember, that in most cases, ED is related to anxiety issues and not medical issues, even though the commercials would have you believe otherwise.

In previous generations when people had problems with intimacy, it was a sign that the couple needed to work on their relationship and themselves. Shame itself often kept wayward thinking spouses from being able to do the unthinkable. These days, with a few pills, any secondary effects of shame are gone and they can have anyone performing without the hindrance of guilt or shame.

Shame had its place. It helped prevent many problems. Perhaps removing it has done more damage than was initially realized.

Best Regards,

Jeff Murrah

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