When the discovery of an affair happens, it send shock waves in every direction. Those traumatic shock waves impact everyone. I view them as more like a tidal wave or blast wave unleashing a tremendous amount of energy on everyone. News of the affair hits fast and hard. It also has a jarring or shocking effect. There is also a sense that it is a series of waves hitting you. With each bit of news or realization, you find yourself experiencing the impact again and again.
The news may startle you so much that you feel shocked or agitated. Your nerves are suddenly shaken in a harsh, dramatic fashion. In some cases, you may even feel sore from the intense agitation that came with the news.
The traumatic impact of the waves hits with a powerful force. The affair news impacts the cheater, the betrayed spouse, the lover, and the cheater’s family. Like all shock waves, it brings sudden and often dramatic changes.
Although the term shock wave is used, it is technically not the best fit. The term ‘shock wave’ is most often associated with sonic booms that occur when an object moves fast enough to break through the sound barrier. In some cases, the cheater and their lover may be moving so fast, there is a shock wave, but that is usually not the case.
The use of the term D-Day for the discovery of an affair has meanings on several levels. Besides being discovery day, it also has the images of the Normandy invasion associated with it. Such an association has images of being invaded, fighting, and destruction which all fit the situation.
Some of you may have suspected that something was going on for a while. You agonized over whether or not to believe it was true. The revelations for you may mean that the worst of your suspicions were true. “I did not want to believe it” type of shock response.
For others, the discovery of the affair is traumatic news that blind sides you. You never expected it and the news is shocking. In your case, there may be a sense of disbelief. ‘This can’t be true” type of reaction.
Some of you may still not want to believe what you encountered. In your mind, your spouse would never do such a thing. All the news about an affair must be lies being spread to ruin your spouse’s reputation. You may even think that someone is mistaken about such news.
Whichever situation you are in, the news about the affair is traumatic. Like all shock waves, it brings upheaval, destruction and disorientation. It suddenly changes your world and the world of those around you. Everything is suddenly different. You are no longer safe in your marriage. You are no longer secure in what you thought was a safe little world.
The cheater’s world has also been changed. The bubble they lived in is no longer limited to just them and the lover. That bubble just exploded! Their secret is out. All the pressure of keeping secrets and lies has blown the bubble apart.
The cheater may begin scrambling in an attempt at damage control. They have to discover who knows what. Neither of the world’s they lived in are safe. Their secret world is not safe and their world with you is not safe. They are no longer trusted and believed like they once were.
The lover’s world is changed as well. What was once just them and the cheater now has to deal with harsh realities. They can no longer just dream of a blissful future together. For some lovers, they suddenly have to deal with the reality that the cheater was married. For others, the reality of having to face the spouse one day is something they can no longer put off.
The cheater’s family is also impacted. The father or mother they thought they had is not who they have. The actions of their parent has now touched them and changed their world forever. For some, the trauma is something they realize they have to accept as part of life and move on. For others, it is a stain that hangs over their heads.
What is clear is that no one is left untouched. The traumatic shock wave of the affair touches everyone. No one is immune from having to deal with it.
When that shock wave hits, there are resources like the Affair Recovery Workshop which can help you through that part of your life.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
