Looking for love (advice) in all the wrong places

The city of Pasadena, Texas had its moment in the spotlight with the movie Urban Cowboy and the Johnny Lee song, “Looking for love in all the wrong places”. Having grown up in that city, I knew full well what they were talking about. The nightclub, Gilley’s was well known for being a place to pick up a lover, and often everything that goes with that (this often included the drama, STD’s and guilt that came as a packaged deal).

Unlike many other nightclubs, Gilley’s was huge. With all the small subsections, it was as if there were several nightclubs in one. Unlike other small cozy, pick-up spots, Gilley’s was loud, brash and lively. They had the competitive bull riding area, places to eat, places to dance, places to sit and talk. They had a side for almost any taste.  It was well known as a place that people went looking for love. As a local, we often joked about how all a guy had to do was look like a poor, down on his luck cowboy that needed fixin’ up to be picked up.  If you were looking for love, you could certainly find something at Gilley’s.

I also recall how many of the decent folks covered up or scraped off their Gilley’s bumper stickers off their vehicles so that others were not aware of their secretive activities. You could pick up a lot, but chances were who you picked up was not a ‘good catch’.

I was reminded of those days on reading a recent article from HuffPost on how men are designed to cheat. To make it sound convincing, they have an ‘expert’ sociologist telling the female readers, “It’s not you, it’s men” that are the problem, along with it being a promo for a new show that is being launched, mixing a promo piece with an information article.

At least they acknowledge that men were designed, instead of attributing their claims to evolution, the environment or societal pressures. In using the term designed, they at least acknowledge that humans were designed by a creator.

The problem for unsuspecting readers is that the advice is wrong. From the time of Adam and Eve, God designed men and women to be monogamous.From creation, men and women were created with a design in mind. The more science begins understanding chemical bonding and emotional bonding that occurs in humans, the clearer things become that humans were designed for monogamous relationships. Keep in mind it has only been twenty or so years with the advent of brain scans and imaging that researchers are beginning to understand the neural connections and bonding in the brain. The synaptic connections in our mind can adjust for other relationships, yet we function best in a monogamous environment.

Mentally and emotionally, you are not wired to be polygamous. The emotional wiring does not treat all relationships the same. One will predominate over the others. Polygamy assumes that all your relationships have equal value and status. With polygamy, there are insecurities, health issues and bonding issues that arise. I wonder how that sociologist somehow knows more about what man was designed for than the Creator.

In terms of looking for love in all the wrong places, those of you looking for advice on surviving an affair and repairing your marriage from Huff Post may be looking in the wrong places. They have many articles on affairs, although a large number are about moving on, dumping the chump and finding new love. If your plan is to dump the chump or ditch the witch, than you will find plenty of articles supporting your choice. They also deal with the issue quite frequently.

They often have articles talking about the latest trends or experts, whose advice is often some form of attack on traditional marriages or families or Biblical values.

If instead, you want to survive the affair and repair your marriage, you will need to look elsewhere. The places you go for answers make a difference. The information you read put ideas in your head. Those you agree with will gain fast access to your brain. They will be the material you use in coming up with answers and solutions.

If you want to survive the affair, repair your marriage or rebuild the trust, you will find answers here. If instead, you want to dump the chump, ditch the witch, find love and move on with your life along with assuaging any guilt or remorse then sources like Huff Post or the latest ideas being promoted by some newfound  expert will better suit your needs.

Best Regards,

Jeff

 

 

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