Over thirty years ago, I learned a valuable lesson about putting family first. I mention this in conjunction with relationship issues because if you do not put family first, your marriage will lose out.
It was spring time in the early 1970’s. I had stayed home for spring break, since I had a part time job at the time. I recall sitting in one of the easy chairs and looking out the window when suddenly the phone rang.
On answering the phone, it was a stranger’s voice wanting to speak to my father. It struck me as odd, for such a request from a stranger, but I handed the phone to my father. In the next few minutes, my life drastically changed.
The stranger informed him about how my mother and siblings had been in a car wreck on interstate 10, west of Houston. In the accident, the station wagon which they had been driving had been knocked out of control, by a car racing down the highway. The station wagon had spun across a muddy field, then reached an embankment which propelled it airborne over a guardrail, landing straddled the overpass road.
One of my little brothers, who had been in the car, managed getting out, without thinking about himself. He went to the guardrail on the side of the Pederson Road overpass and proceeded calling out for someone to help his mom to anyone on the interstate who would listen.
That image of my pre-teen brother who was six years younger than me, shouting out for help for his family to cars on the interstate below him has stuck with me through the years. He was putting his family first, even above his own comfort and safety. In the days below cell phones, help was not just a call away.
He made family his first priority. You need to consider whether you have made your family and recovery from the affair your priority. Is family really first in your life?
Many marital problems, including affairs come from misplaced priorities, wrong values and selfishness. The way out of a marital problem often requires making the family and your marriage your priority.
That means it is more important to get your marriage back than it is to get that new car, that new television, the monthly cable bill, going to the football fame, attending that concert, etc. Your priorities will shape how you spend your time and money.
If you have spent more time and money on entertainment than on recovery from the affair, then affair recovery has not been your priority.
You may have to be the one who gets out and yells for help even if it means leaving your comfort zone. When your marriage is hurting and in crisis, you need help right away. Waiting until the counselor, pastor or friend finally brings up the topic or reaches out may be too late.
Waiting for the right time to bring up the topic or waiting until the insurance company approves you getting the help you need or the therapist finally has an opening or the next marriage improvement weekend may be too late. Sure those things will help, yet when your marriage is needing immediate help, delay is dangerous.
My brother didn’t delay in calling out for help for his family and you should not delay in getting help in dealing with the affair. His actions in that moment has inspired me over the years in dealing with marital and family issues to put ‘family first’. In these days when you can get start getting help for recovery from an affair with the click of a mouse, there is no excuse for not putting family first.
It is my hope that his story may inspire you as well.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
Wow Jeff what a sorrowful situation! What a wonderful brother !
Often as you have said delay for reaching out for help can allow for more trauma
However once deceived it is often difficult to be able to know who to trust with that process
I reached to my Saviour and pursued more information from how the Word would inform and direct me.
I cannot say how one would measure “success” from this effort as I understand it it does take time and often painful realizations
The support of an honest person is helpful…but in the case of our family all of the systems and structures of support in the realm of family and friends and even church affiliations were nil
Finding a. Birch body where Gods word has been adhered to has been a long search but I am thankful for the way the Lord has worked in my life to continue to instruct me and show me how to walk ….and some who I have met along the way who still hold the scriptures up and rightly divide the Word of Truth
God bless your continued sharing among the wounded…who often have no financial ability to pay for the encouragement and the systems many are offering for profit
👑
For all who love His appearing!
Zaza,
Thank you for your comments. When the support melts away, it makes the situation more difficult. In such circumstances passages like II cor. 6:18 are helpful “And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.” He does provide support and direction in times that there often appears to be no hope.
In some communities, the support (which still comes from Him), may occur via his surrogates in the church or through friends. It is always surprising hearing how He chooses to work in various situations. The preferred method is through the body, yet there are often times when the body does not have the resources or are aware of the help they can be. He will see to it that some help occurs, provided that one is seeking Him and His ways.
The way one measures success in the aftermath of an affair can pose some challenges. Many people have to face the choice of wanting God to help them get their will done or His will done. That often sorts out the chaff from the wheat so to speak.
Knowing who to trust can also be a source of struggle for some people. There may be many caring people around you, but that does not mean that you can trust them. In the aftermath of an affair, trust is already shattered. Picking up those broken pieces and stringing together even a primitive form of trust poses challenges.
Best Regards,
Jeff