When it comes to talking about the affair, especially in public, you will want to take some special precautions. If those you are in a conversation about the affair with talk loudly, you will want to rethink any public discussions with them. They may be a good friend, but their loudness is not helping you. If anything, it is doing more damage than help.
You never know who is listening in to your conversations. When I think about who is listening in on conversations, it reminds me of an episode from my high school days. The high school I attended was a closed campus. Everyone was supposed to eat on campus. The only exceptions were those who were out on school related business.
At that time, I rarely ate on campus. Under the pretext of ‘doing school business’, Ricky Hauk, Kirk Smith and myself hightailed it to a nearby burger joint. We thought we were so cool, enjoying a meal off campus. We talked about our adventure and how much we were enjoying it. Kirk tended to be rather loud, and even louder when excited.
We noticed a man sitting by himself a few tables over seemed interested in what we were saying. It was as if he were listening to us the whole time. Initially we didn’t pay much attention to him until we were leaving the burger joint. There in the parking lot was a four door sedan with the school district truant officer logo emblazoned on the side.
We looked at each other in shock. That man was listening and for a good reason. We immediately piled into Ricky’s Vega and hurried back to the school in hopes of arriving before any news of our action reached the school.
That episode alerted me that even when you think ‘it’s safe’, there may be people listening to your conversation that you don’t want listening. Affairs along with your dealing with them are tantalizing stories that others want to listen to.
It is not beyond lawyers and their legal staff to ‘tune into’ potential matters that they either have a concern in or could make money off of. It’s not just the lawyers, the family or friends of the lover or the cheater could be within earshot of your conversations as well. Talking about the affair may be giving them the ammunition they need to mess up your life.
There may also be people listening that are involved in the whole affair episode or know someone who is involved. Since affairs often trigger issues of loyalty, the whole subject of the affair and your responses to it may force people to take sides. Even people you thought were your close friends may surprise you with where they stand on the loyalty issues.
Rather than risk volatile loyalty issues, or concerning yourself with who is listening, a little bit of precaution can save you many potential problems when talking about the affair.
- When discussing private matters like talking about the affair, avoid discussions in public. If they must be in public, conduct them in hushed, low voices. Remember that when you are in a store, you never know who is on the next aisle.
- Exercise caution in who you share affair matters with. The emotional volatility of affairs may be more than they can handle. They may have good intentions, yet be unable to handle the high emotions/high drama that often accompanies and affair.
- Don’t assume that because you are talking to someone from the church that it means that they won’t say anything. Some churches have more gossips than you encounter in the grocery store.
- If the affair involves someone in uniform, the brotherhood of the uniform is a powerful force that can either help you or become an obstacle for you. If there are uniforms where you are talking, rest assured that their loyalty will be to the others in uniform, be it the cheater or the lover or you.
- If the terms you are using for the cheater, the affair and the lover are inflammatory, show more caution. You may have intense feelings, yet sharing them in public places could be twisted into defamation related issues.
Best Regards,
Jeff
