Consider the Source

One of the sayings that has helped me through the maze of infidelity research is “consider the source”.  I was reminded of how useful that saying is just this morning. In going through the news stories and updates in relationship news, there was an announcement regarding a book attacking monogamy.

These days, you will find frequent mention of such books like the one they were offering a free download of. If you believe in traditional marriage of one man-one woman in a lifetime exclusive commitment to one partner, the many articles from the Huffington Post and books like the one mentioned in the offer, make you feel like you are from another world. These articles and books often portray those like you as being ‘old-fashioned’, closed minded, ignorant and BORING. They will make you think that you hold to those ‘old’ ideas since you don’t know any better.

It is like, “well if the Huffington Post says it is so, and they are the social standard of how I should be living life and what I should be doing, then I must be out of sync with society.” I have learned that the Huffington Post is NOT the social standard for the nation. They have an agenda that they push hard and heavy. Their editors know this and they use many articles on relationships and society to push their values and ideas. Even though the articles are under the category of ‘Healthy Living’, if you follow them, they are anything but. (Consider this recent one of the ‘healthy benefits of polyamory‘ and love triangles). You know first hand what those love triangles bring and it is definitely not a ‘healthy benefit’.

If someone was even entertaining the idea of cheating, if they consume a steady diet of the anti-marriage propaganda, and so called ‘healthy lifestyle’ advice, they would be able to sear their conscience and follow-through with their plan.

The cheater would be thinking that they are hip, open minded, fashionable, and ‘informed’. If you read and believed what they promote, you would think that most couples have affairs and that they are healthy and that everyone should put their own hedonistic pleasure above morals.

On considering the source of the book attacking monogamy, my first observation was that the book itself is another animal study product. The writers made some observations on animals and apply those observations to human behaviors. Although some medical breakthroughs have come through animal studies, I am leery that studying lower life forms will somehow elevate our relationships.

We often become like what we study. This is why reading biographies of notable people is often inspires you and leering through Pornography is detrimental.  Those life stories have a way of touching your life and wanting you to aspire to better things, and porno encourages its consumers in following after baser lusts.

In studying animals, I do not see how animal behavior is going to make us better people. I would not copy their eating behavior, not their procreation behaviors as models of decency. For researchers to attack monogamy based on the fact that animals are not monogamous is a specious argument. It misleads you to false conclusions.

After considering the author’s source material, I investigated their background and marriage. These are often tell-tale clues. When you see how a person actually lives, it often reveals their ‘true’ agenda. It is not beyond an author to write a book dedicated to something they really don’t believe in,  just for the money. Seeing how an author lives lets you know what they are ‘really’ promoting.

I was reminded of this over the week-end when I attended a book fair in my local community. How the authors lived is what comes out in their books, whether intentional or unintentional. The lessons of their day to day lives and living can tell you a lot. I saw that in discussing matters with the author at the table next to mine name Jacob.

From talking with him about his daily life, it became very clear what was in his book. Jacob’s values and biases jumped out at me in what he said about his life. even though his book was titled in such a way to make it seem unbiased and neutral, I gleaned from talking with him what was inside without even having to open his book.

When you ‘consider the source’, it gives a whole new meaning to ‘reading people like a book’. When it came to Jacob, the source of his life told me all I needed to know about what would be found in his book. Likewise the authors attacking monogamous marriage made it clear that they reject traditional marriage values in how they live.

So the next time you read an article, book review, study or book, you will want to consider the source. The source and how they live may tell you more about the book than the dust jacket or the book itself. The fruit you see in their lives reveals what they are really all about.

When your marriage is on the line, it really does make a difference who you listen to and what ideas you put into place in your home.

Best Regards,

Jeff