A recent article I read claims that “infidelity is now an accepted reality”. Although the writer may claim that it is part of his reality, infidelity is not a foregone conclusion or forgone reality. If anything, it is just the opposite. I wonder if he saw the article on how Ashley Madison is under investigation by the FTC. If the FTC is investigating the matter, it is a clear sign that infidelity is not an accepted or approved reality.
Although the statement “infidelity is an accepted reality” appears true in popular media, in everyday communities and marriages, that reality is not accepted. Even though infidelity is not an ‘accepted reality’, the way it’s presented manipulates you into believing it is an accepted reality.
If you’re like most people, you don’t realize when you’re being manipulated. You don’t know how it’s happening to you. Good manipulation hides what is happening to you. Although it happens in front of your eyes, you don’t see it.
While attending the University of Houston at Clear Lake, one of the topics covered in class was ‘brainwashing’.
My knowledge of brainwashing came from movies where it was presented as something used by communists on captured spies. Brainwashing was often associated with torture, indoctrination and other forms of mind control Now, from behind a desk, I was learning ‘how’ this mysterious process takes place.
Being a young student, I listened intently, finding the subject both fascinating and scary.
Learning how real brainwashing is done surprised me. In a strange twist of fate, while I was learning in my psychology class how it was done, I was also taking a media class from Jib Fowles. In that class, I saw how ‘brainwashing’ is used in television programming and advertising. On seeing both sides of brainwashing, my brain connected the dots.
My eyes suddenly opened! It became clear what is being done, how it is done and why it’s done. Seeing brainwashing in action wakes you up to it’s potential power. Not only did I see the tremendous power of brainwashing, the potential for its misuse as a tool of manipulation is apparent as well.
Telling the public that ‘everyone is doing it’ is a way of swaying public opinion. This way, if you oppose it, you are an outlier. No one wants to be the weird one or outsider. If all the cool kids are doing it, part of you wants to do it as well.
Repeating that “Infidelity is accepted” over and over is a key part of brainwashing procedure. When phrases are repeated again and again, your brain often thinks that phrase is true. Sure you can program your brain to accept it as truth, but what you accept may not be the truth.
You can repeat “The sky is green” over and over. With enough repetition, your brain accepts it. In time, you may even see more green coloring in the sky, but it does not make the sky green. That only means you are seeing what you programmed your mind to see. You found what you expected to see. (I cover the role of expectations with more depth in the e-book, “Why wasn’t I Enough?”).
The bottom line is that popular media keeps repeating a mantra about infidelity. Some people want to believe that infidelity is ‘accepted’ by society at large. It is important for them to feel accepted and normal instead of feeling guilty. They assume when infidelity is presented as accepted, then there is no reason for them to feel guilty.
Society may tolerate infidelity, but toleration is not acceptance. People do cheat, but that does not make it acceptable. People also steal and do so frequently. Just because more people steal will never make it more acceptable.
By connecting the word ‘infidelity’ with ‘accepted reality’, the writer is creating an association which he hopes your brain will believe. The hope is that when enough writers and people of influence make such connections that society will change its views of infidelity. I recognize it as a manipulative ploy.
Beware of the brainwashers. They are out there in the media, working to change your views of marriage, family and infidelity. When you do not reject their message, it goes straight into your brain. (I go into how this happens in the webinar on ‘Affair Crisis”).
A passive unguarded brain is vulnerable to brainwashing techniques and manipulations. Knowing about these threats will help you protect yourself from the power of what is being used in changing society and its values.
Best Regards,
Jeff
