Have you ever experienced the panic of suddenly realizing you lost something important to you? A fear suddenly shoots through you with the thoughts that “it’s gone”. With the realization that it’s gone, your mind may also play out scenarios of never getting it back.
With things like car keys, cellphones, and paperwork you can always go looking for what you lost where you lost it. How do you handle loosing something important in your marriage?
The logic of some cheaters mystifies me. When you loose something in your marriage, you go looking for it in another relationship. That does not make sense to me. Typically what you lost is near where you lost it. One study found that it is often within 18 inches of where you lost it.
When you loose something in your marriage, doesn’t it make sense to start the search within your marriage? If that is where you lost it, that is likely where you will find it as well. Looking way outside of your marriage insures two things.
One is that you’ll never find what you lost. When your search is outside of where it was lost, you took steps that insure you never find it. You will always be on a perpetual search. Like the quest for the Holy Grail, you’ll always be seeking and never be satisfied.
Secondly, looking for what you lost outside of your marriage makes you a perpetual victim. It may allow you to play permanent victim, and have pity parties, but you’ll not find what was lost. It only gives you a “victim card” to play when things don’t go your way.
So, if you have lost something in your marriage, start looking for it in your marriage. Consider some talk time, play time or let’s work on this together time.
Best Regards,
Jeff
