On reading the article, “Is Sex Addiction Real?“, I’m astounded that some groups continue questioning whether or not it exists.
When celebrities, like Ozzy Osborne or Tiger Woods are in the news, it brings your attention to the important issue of sex addiction.
Seeking answers to the question, “Is Sex Addiction Real?” depends on who you ask. If you ask someone familiar with substance abuse issues and the addiction process, you’ll obtain a different answer than from the medical establishment.
Ever since the researcher Patrick Carnes first coined the term ‘sex addiction’, it’s been surrounded in controversy. He began dealing with a dark side of life that the establishment didn’t want to see or deal with.
Sexual addiction deals with a side of life that makes you uncomfortable. The discomfort comes from having to examine your own sexuality in the process of looking at the topic of sex addiction.
While the establishment dismissed sex addiction, the sex addicts who sought help are grateful that someone finally understands their struggle.
Think about it. There are 12,000,000 people in the US with sex addiction and the medical establishment still debates whether or not it exists.
Let me put it in perspective. You have what amounts to the population of New York City AND Los Angeles with this disorder of sex addiction and the medical establishment still wonders whether it exists. (Bear in mind, that the diagnostic manuals are often more about what they get paid to treat, than whether or not a disorder exists).
When 12 million people have a problem, you need to consider what can be done about it rather than whether or not the problem exists. Those 12 million people need answers and help instead of debates about whether what they are suffering from is fictitious.
The conflicting and fuzzy answers muddy the issue and keep you from taking action.They keep you locked in arguments over trivial matters. The studies and data give each side ammunition, but do nothing about making things better.
While addiction experts are exploring the frontiers of cybersex addiction along with its impact on the family, the medical establishment continues arguing whether ‘sex addiction is real’.
When it’s tearing apart your marriage, you’ll know whether or not it’s real. When you live with its effects, you know how real it is. When you daily face the specter of affairs and out of control sex, you know the reality of its existence.
Like a couple, the ‘experts’ who the media interviews argue over whether or not the addiction exists, while families are being destroyed by it. Typically the media interviews friends and those seeking sales of their new books, rather than clinicians and researchers knee deep in the issue.
You can argue with your spouse over whether or not an affair happened. You can argue over what constitutes sex or whether or not sexual addiction exists. While those arguments rage, your marriage is falling apart.
In my mind, it makes more sense to start repairing your marriage and the effects of the affair than argue over hairsplitting issues about what kind of affair it was, whether or not it was sexual, etc.
When I lived on the gulf coast and hurricanes formed, I prepared my home for the storm. It was not the time to debate whether it was a category 2 or 3 storm or how it formed. Action was needed immediately. Debates about global warming and the impact on hurricanes could come later. My family and home needed protection first.
When repeated behavior is damaging your marriage, you need to repair it. The Affair Recovery Workshop is one way of repairing that damage. Arguing over whether or not sexual addiction exists, what kind of affair it was or whether or not the affair was sexual or not, are distracting at best. Those distractions divert your attention from the damage being done to your marriage. The sooner you take action, the less damage there will be.
Instead of arguing with your spouse over whether or not sex addiction is real, take action that improves your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
P. S. I am one of those addiction professionals that knows sex addiction as real.
