Is bad swinging a bad affair?

A reader asked about a ‘bad swinging’ experience. On considering the question, I wondered what would make for a bad swinging experience?

Is this when you swing with someone that has poor bodily hygiene. That could definitely make for an unpleasant experience. It seems like you would have screened those that you considered swinging with. A screening would prevent bad hygiene episodes in most cases.

Perhaps the bad swinging episode concerns being exposed to social transmitted diseases. When you consider swinging, those exposures are a risk of the lifestyle. Much like an occupational hazard, you find yourself exposed to the dangers that go with the lifestyle.

Another ‘occupational hazard’ is that of over attachment. When you sleep with people, there is the risk that they attach to you. The risk of attachments is one of those risks not reduced with a condom. Condoms do not reduce the risk of attachments.

Attachments are often accompanied by jealousies. Since the two go hand in hand, when one happens, the other soon follows.

One of the workplace habits of prostitutes is not kissing their customers. They have learned over the years that kissing promotes attachment. Swingers could learn a few lessons from the professionals.

Then there is the possibility of bad swinging being equated with bad sex. When you take sex out of marriage, this is one of the risks you encounter. When sex becomes performance, instead of lovemaking, there is an innate tendency to rate performances and compare.

Like it or not comparisons and ratings are part of human nature. That human nature will find its way into the swingers community.

There is also the constant risk of exposure. Perhaps a bad swinging experience is that someone is threatening exposure. At this juncture it turns into a form of blackmail. When you are engaging in activity outside of social acceptance, this is always a risk.

Then there is the constant specter of guilt. Guilt has a way of ruining any social gathering, especially when it is surrounded by secrecy. Guilt and its ugly cousin remorse are a way or reminding you that what you’re doing isn’t agreeing with your core values.

In my mind, all swinging is ‘bad’. I’m an old fogy still equating swinging with cheating. For me, any sex outside of marriage has consequences. Some of those people are willing to live with and some are intolerable.

Swinging has all the dangers and risks of affairs, only within a different structure. The swingers world has different rules and structures that their ‘playtime’ is ruled by.

Some swingers use bad swinging episodes as a motivation for greater immersion into swinging. What may be a wake up call, they use to dive deeper.

When I try viewing it from a swingers perspective, what makes for a bad swinging experience poses many questions.

If you’re struggling with the effects from swinging you may be experiencing relationship trauma. You don’t have to get drunk, take pills or medications to numb yourself out, and keep symptoms under control.

When you have been traumatized, there are reasons for you not being able to get over it’ and bounce back. Discover the tools, exercises and techniques you need in understanding and moving past what has happened to you. If that’s your situation,  get your copy of the webinar on “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers“. 75-minutes. Immediate Access.

Best Regards,

Jeff