There are many things about affairs that drives you crazy. One of those items is double-messages.
Lies are are infuriating. Deception is infuriating. The crazy making thing are the double-messages. This is where the one spouse gives you a message or asks a question with a double-meaning.
Unlike the lies, the double messages contain half-truths, deception and confusing content all wrapped up in one message.
When these double-messages or ‘contradictory messages’ occur in your marriage, they are crazy making. The more important the relationship is to you, the more crazy making such contradictory messages are.
Take for example, when the cheater tells you “Don’t take this as I don’t love you anymore”. What are you supposed to do with it? Does your spouse love you or not love you? Their actions say one thing, while there words say something else.
The fact that they cheated is a rejection of their commitment to you and your marriage, yet telling you to ‘not take it that way’ puts you into a weird place. You want to believe your spouse, yet their action and their message contradict each other.
Such contradictory messages put you in a ‘no win’ or ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of situation. If you take it ‘that way’ you are rejecting their message and them, yet if you assume they ‘love you’ as in the marriage commitment of ‘cherishing you above all others’, you are kissing the special aspect of your marriage good-bye. Either way… you loose.
These kind of communications are common in the aftermath of an affair. Since they have a contradictory message, they literally will “drive you nuts”.
Navigating through such double-messages that drives you crazy is challenging on many levels. You will need someone to talk to to ‘check your reality’ since the messages are so strange. When you are given enough of these kind of messages, it will leave you doubting yourself.
If you are caught in such a situation, get help rather than get sucked in to a world of crazy making messages.
Keeping it Real,
Jeff
