“I just wanted to talk”

It’s amazing how a situation goes from ‘I just wanted to talk’ turns into ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen’.

Janice called me in a panic. Although I typically didn’t have appointments that day, her tearful pleas and desperation in her voice made it clear that she was in crisis. Since it was short notice, we met that day. It struck me odd that this normally self-confident woman was emotionally distraught.

Within a few moments of meeting with Janice, she tearfully disclosed that she slept with an old boyfriend. What started out as ‘just catching up’ spiraled out of control into infidelity. She hadn’t been looking for an affair or seeking out anyone.

The whole event shocked and surprised her at how quickly things went sideways. She never meant for anything to happen.  In talking with her old boyfriend, old feelings came up and got out of control quickly.

“I had no intention of sleeping with with. I just wanted to talk”

She had a hard time believing that “it happened to her”.

Now she faced the question of whether or not to tell her husband. They had been working diligently on improving their relationship. Janice knew that this would set things back in a big way.

She and I began an exchange.

“Should I tell him?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“What should I tell him?”

“The truth would be a good place to start.”

As hard as the truth is, it’s always the best place to start. What people often get stuck on is “How much truth?” along with ‘Knowing when they are giving ‘too much information’. She needed some help sorting through how to break the news to him.

With close relationships like marriage,  you need close truth. Anything less treats your marriage like a friendship or an acquaintance rather than as the special relationship it is.

Janice was honest with her husband, and the two of them worked through what happened.

Truths can be handled better than a whole series of lies. The lies actually make it harder to accept the truth later on.

If you need help getting honest or working through a past affair, help is available.

Best Regards,

Jeff

PS- If you need help working through your Janice type of situation, consider the Affair Recovery Workshop. The workshop gives you what you need in terms of what to talk about, how to phrase things, and the order of things to deal with to get you through an affair and save your marriage.

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