“What happened to the wild sex?”

With the cold weather, it’s a good time to sit down by the fire and tell a story. I often enjoy stories by a fire, whether a campfire or a fireplace. There’s just something about stories and fires that go together.

Mark viewed his marriage as boring. He thought that the excitement was gone. On coming to that conclusion, he began pulling away from his wife. While pulling away, he began looking for a ‘playmate’. After a while he found Brenda.

Brenda was the antitheses of his wife. She was exciting and adventurous. Their sex life was filled with adventurous wild sex and excitement. Brenda was willing to do things that his was wasn’t comfortable with. She was willing to push the edge of the envelope. She lit his fire in a major way on multiple levels. Mark felt a sense of connection with her that he hadn’t experienced with his wife.

Mark eventually left his wife. With Brenda being the center of his world and the most sexually daring person he’d ever been with, he decided on marrying her. His mind was filled with fantasies of many years ahead filled with exciting sexual experiences. Whatever he could dream could happen in his mind.

Soon after marrying Brenda, she no longer felt comfortable pushing the edge of the envelope. She knew that Mark had a steady job and that she could now settle down and be a good wife. She had hooked her man.

Brenda’s reluctance to be wild anymore left Mark feeling betrayed. His whole plan in marrying her was in fulfillment of his wild desires and now, she was as routine as his first wife.

When Mark showed up at my office, he asked in an anguished voice, ‘What happened to the wild sex?’ Although he betrayed his wife, he struggled with feeling let down by what happened in his life. The tone of his voice conveyed that he was distraught and at a loss as to the reasons behind the change.

Although he had always heard the expression, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”, he never realized that relationships always look more fun, more wild and more exciting outside of marriage.

Mark also didn’t realize that once sex becomes a part of the relationship, as happens in affairs, that communication stagnates at that point. Although part of him wanted closeness and connection with Brenda, he never realized that his way of going about it was keeping that connection constantly out of reach. He was using sex in pursuit of intimacy.

Mark has some difficult decisions to make. Should he work out all the issues concerning his affair with Brenda? Should he work on improving his relationship with Brenda? or Should he go and find a new playmate?

Mark chose working on his relationship with Brenda. Although I thought he should address the affair and resolve it, he was always one who wanted the what he saw as the least painful choice. If you are struggling getting that special something back into your marriage, you’ll want to consider the webinar “How Can I Trust You Again?” With it, you can find ways of reconnecting with your spouse and improve the trust in your marriage.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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3 Responses

  1. He will remain an emotional and spiritual infant if he doesn’t seek out what love is

    Living for lust is a futile pursuit

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