It’s the time of year when the press carries stories about the Nobel Prize. Those winning the prize find themselves surrounded by attention seekers. You transform into a celebrity along with being viewed as the ‘world’s best’ in some area. The sudden change has led researchers talking about the “Nobel Prize Phenomena“.
I’ve never won a Nobel Prize, yet received the “Presidio La Bahia Award” for a book I wrote. Although it didn’t have the same international fanfare, it was a dream come true in many ways. For an amateur Texas historian, it’s a big deal.
Those winning the prize are instant celebrities. Just being nominated exposes you to the phenomena of not being able to get work done due to the people surrounding you all the time. The other part of this situation is that the prize winners find themselves asking “Why do they want to be with me?”
During recovery from an affair, you or your spouse will face a similar experience. There comes a day when you seriously wonder ‘Why do they want to be with me?’ You may find yourself asking it soon after the discovery of the affair, while the cheater asks themselves this as the two of you start rebuilding your marriage.
You may be past the affair, and on receiving some accolade, find yourself experiencing a version of the “Nobel Prize Phenomena”.
The Nobel Prize Phenomena brings with it some big risks. At those moments, you’re vulnerable to an affair. When you no longer value yourself as ‘worthy’ of your spouse, you’re at risk. At those times, your marriage shifts in an unhealthy way. You begin the slippery slide toward dysfunction.
Addicts have long known that ‘accomplishments’ and awards are dangerous. On receiving them, you step into a danger zone. If you believe you deserve it, your ego over inflates. If you view yourself as unworthy, your ego distorts how you look at the world in a negative way.
Navigating between these extremes of your ego is not for the faint of heart. Either extreme has its own dangers. There are rocks that’ll shipwreck you on either side. Winning your spouse back is, or even their heart, is a prize winning phenomena, even when you don’t recognize it as such. They have value and worth, even when they don’t act like it or acknowledge it.
And you know what? One of the best ways of dealing with the Nobel Prize Phenomena is developing closeness with your spouse. The “30 Days to a Better Marriage” is a way of connecting with your spouse, and seeing their value.
Best Regards,
Jeff
