Are compromises ruining your marriage? In my own life, I’ve seen both the healing and destructive power of ‘compromise’. I thought compromise was a good and noble trait. It took me receiving some major knocks on the side of the head before I realized the danger of compromise when it comes to families.
Compromise surrounding affairs is always problematic.
The temptation to compromise on your values is seductive. You may view that giving in on your values will bring peace and reconciliation. Since peace and reconciliation are good things, there is a tendency to rationalize your choices.
Allowing an addict to smoke marijuana in your home or allowing the alcoholic to drive your car just to ‘keep the peace’ are no-win situations. You don’t win and they don’t win. Compromising on issues surrounding the affair are no-win situations as well.
First, there is a huge difference between compromise and negotiations. Confusing these two ideas creates problems.
Second, compromise is useful for business deals, but not for affair recovery. When it comes to affair recovery, compromise is the initial stage for your crater-ing.
When it comes to affairs, you need a clear line on what you will and will not do. You need to know how far you’re willing to go. If you don’t know what your ‘line’ is, you are already compromised. You just don’t know it yet.
Where do you draw the line? Will you babysit while the cheater is out with the lover? Will you lie to your children to avoid ‘offending’ the lover? Will you allow the cheater to come back to the bed carrying who knows what diseases or infections and make love just to keep the peace?
Dealing with an affair is not like compromising on the features of a new dishwasher or car. Your marriage and family are at stake. Those very areas where you compromise become sources of irritation.
When the cheater asks you to ‘be reasonable’ and ‘meet me halfway’ or ‘can’t we compromise on this?’, you’ll need to have an answer. The answer you give will either empower you or dis-empower you.
Now let’s get down to business. The video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis” is a great starting point in helping you deal with the controversies and challenges ahead of you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
