Having a brother-in-law whose a lawyer means that the conversations at family get togethers are quite interesting. Most people are on the receiving end of some lawyer’s actions and don’t often have a chance to ‘see behind the curtain’ with legal matters.
Since many of their dealings are ‘behind closed doors’ you don’t see them. So when there’s an opportunity of discussing those matters, we do so. We compare lessons learned from our professions, me as a counselor and he as an attorney.
He definitely has some different solutions to problems that I hadn’t imagined. One skeleton key solution he advocated was “Put up a sign with the letters TCB…CYA.” He continued on, “They [the public] should have to hit that sign on the way out the door every morning to keep it on their mind. Most of my clients need me because they don’t take care of business.”
His description reminded me of how as a high school athlete we often hit a sign with a motivational saying on it each time we left our dressing room for the playing field. It was a way of focusing our attention before the game.
He went on elaborating how if people took care of their own business, it would solve many if not all of their problems. Those that aren’t solved by TCB, is where the CYA comes in for “cover your ass”.
I sat back and considered how his statement applies to marriages. If spouses ‘took care of their relationship business’, it certainly would reduce both affairs and the temptation for them. I also know that these days, with all the distractions, you may forget or not recall what it means to ‘take care of business’.
(In the back of my mind, I hear the sounds of Bachman-Turner Overdrive reminding me of “Taking Care of Business”).
You may have never even been taught what it means to ‘take care of relationship business’. In law, you can plead ignorance, but it doesn’t change the legal situation. You still have to face the penalties and consequences. In relationships, you can also plead ignorance, and hope for a second chance.
There is even one fairly new federal law about ‘confidentiality’ which includes a penalty if you plead “I didn’t know”. On hearing about that law, it occurred to me that the plea of ignorance no longer works. There’s even a Latin phrase for it (Ignorantia juris non excusat).
When it comes to relationships, there’s a belief that if you say “I didn’t know” that you escape the consequences. If you really ‘don’t know’ ways of taking care of business or what ‘taking care of business’ in a marriage means, you need to fix that situation.
The GOOD news is …in the Affair Recovery Workshop, I cover ways you ‘take care of business’ in your relationship. This includes solving problems like dealing with broken promises, mishandled responsibilities and wrong priorities. These areas are an important part of turning your marriage around and removing problems at their root level.
Best Regards,
Jeff
