It started off innocently enough. I picked her up for a date. We went for dinner followed by some miniature golf. The conversation was flowing and we enjoyed each other’s company.
It was only after she invited me into her apartment she revealed she was a married woman. There had been no indications or hints of her marital status prior to that moment.
That episode showed me how things can get out of hand quickly. I also experienced what is involved in stepping away from what could’ve turned into an affair. Even after becoming a therapist, I’ve faced situations that could have easily gone sideways quickly.
One of the hazards of the counseling profession is the phenomena known as ‘transference’. This happens when someone develops a strong emotional attachment to you from you working with them.
Since they don’t know you or much about you, the attachment is a type of infatuation. Fortunately I was trained in handling when someone of the opposite sex has strong transference feelings for me. Sure enough, the transference came and went.
Like someone trained in the martial arts, my training included handling transference situations. I was taught what to look for and ways of dealing with it. So when those situations came, rather than give into baser passions, I knew what to do. I followed my training and navigated safely through those situations.
Many therapists, preachers, doctors, professors, officers, nurses, teachers and other helping professions have mistaken transference for love. Confusing the two has led to the downfall of many people by them going down the slippery slope of affairs.
The helpers are in positions of authority. Those they help have strong feelings of admiration which are often sexualized. In their minds, they are ‘in love’ even though they know little about the helper.
The helpers want to be loved and think what is staring them in the face is ‘love’. They don’t recognize transference feelings when they encounter it. What scares me is that most of these professions don’t train you in handling transference feelings and the temptations that come with it.
They are caught unaware. Strong feelings are expressed. They think they’re in love, and soon find themselves physically involved. Strong feelings don’t automatically mean you’re in love. They mean that there is something about that relationship that’s triggering older emotional reactions.
I know how easy it is falling down the slippery slope of becoming a cheater. That’s why I created my latest video “Cheater Recovery: Help for the Cheater Starting the Road to Recovery“. It helps cheaters with the challenges of recovering from what happened.
The video covers disclosure, what happens in the cheater’s brain along with ways of handling the testing that comes after disclosure.
Best Regards,
Jeff
