When the CEO of the company came up to me at a social event, I felt special. That all changed when he leaned toward me and said with a smile “How’s it feel having your career riding on one case?” His question left me unnerved. Although he framed it as a humor laced statement, he was also speaking the plain truth.
Although I had worked with celebrity clients before, this time the request was made for special handling. Given who they were, I was told that it required ‘kid gloves’.
Things came to a head when in a family therapy session, I had to confront the ‘special’ person about his putting church above his wife and family. Although loyal to his wife, he was letting his Church function as his wife ahead of her. It amounted to an affair.
I had to confront him on this ’emotional affair’. This is not the kind of confrontation special people want to hear. They are used to people praising them for their great work, instead of confronting them on wrong priorities.
The whole situation made it clear to me that even prominent people make mistakes in their marriage. In this person’s case, he allowed the ‘good work’ of his congregation and ministry to dominate his life. There was always someone who ‘needed’ him that pulled him from his wife.
I’m surprised she didn’t resent the church, him and God all at the same time. I suspect that when this happens, wives hate what it is that takes their husbands from them. It may be the Corps, the City, the Force, the Department or some other nebulous group.
What I know is that when resentment builds up, spouses lash out at it all. It may start with misplaced priorities and end up with a raging hate of anything associated with the cheater whose loyalty is to the greater good than to their spouse.
Sadly society often praises those who do this. They are called devoted, community-minded, and dedicated leaders. Statues are erected to them, and schools are named after them, while their own families fall apart.
Your spouse may not have slept with anyone else, yet they’re not putting you first or protecting you. Their noble cause has you playing second fiddle. When you’re second fiddle, you’re being played.
When you’re tired of playing second fiddle and want changes in your marriage, the Affair Recovery Workshop guides you through the road to recovery. It’ll help you make your marriage the priority in your life.
Best Regards,
Jeff
