There’s a stunned moment of disbelief that hits you when you make a discovery that undoes what you previously believed. I’ve encountered several of those moments in doing my amateur history studies. I uncover a quote or finding that stuns me. Initially I have to re-read what I uncovered several times in order to make sure I’m reading it right.
Then, a wave rushes over me. In the next moment, what I previously believed about that event or person melts away, with the comment “I can’t believe…” After that, I’m forced to go through a mental house cleaning.
I’ve encountered it with history several times and its an on-going process regarding marriage relationships and affairs. It gives me some understanding of what those encountering long term affairs experience.
In a single moment, all of what you once believed is suddenly uncertain. That sudden shock is bad with any affair, yet with the long-term affair you are dealing with years. All the holiday memories, vacations, trips and good times are suddenly in flux. You lose the reference points that other people have.
At least with a short-term affair, you have the reference points of life before the affair. With the long-term affair, you’re not sure what you can count on and what you can’t. The starting point is so far away you lose perspective on what a before and after are even like.
In your efforts in rebuilding your marriage, the ‘marriage relationship house cleaning’ becomes a guessing game of what was real and what wasn’t. In such circumstances you learn the wisdom of taking life ‘one day at a time’ and ‘living in the present moment’.
Under such circumstances, the topic of ‘Affair Relapse’ becomes critical. You need a relapse prevention plan that insures no returning to a former way of life. Others may be concerned with slips and temporary relapses. You, face the threat of the cheater returning to a whole li(e)festyle.
This is where the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” comes in. You need the tools and early warning signs that can save you from more heartache than you’ve already endured.
Best Regards,
Jeff
