Lately, I’ve received several emails where readers who have written state “I didn’t expect you to write back.” It still surprises me when emails open that way. I’m not sure what to make of such openings, besides accepting them as compliments. They’re definitely encouraging to receive.
When readers share personal parts of their lives, it makes sense to me that they receive a ‘personal response’. I was always taught that a heart sent message requires a heart sent response.
Being surprised by receiving a personal response from a personal email tells me that there must be more impersonal businesses out there than I ever imagined or that people weren’t taught about heart messages.
Perhaps machines and impersonal responses have become so routine that you expect impersonal responses if any at all. If that’s the case, it means marriage is more important than ever, especially when the rest of the world treats you impersonally.
When the rest of the world treats you impersonally, you count on your marriage as a place to share your heart. When you can’t share your heart there, you’re left holding the pain.
I also wonder if their situations are so bad that their spouses are ignoring them. When the most personal relationship of your life becomes impersonal and mechanical, it starts a de-humanization process.
Each cold, impersonal interaction transforms a warm loving relationship into a cold, mechanical one, piece by piece. A de-humanization by installments.
When your marriage is ‘just going through the motions’ from waking up through bed time, it takes it’s toll after a period of time.
Either way, making personal connection is important. You need to feel valued, listened to and have connection with other people. That sense of connection is part of what brings hope and healing after illnesses along with traumatic episodes like affairs. Those old connections can be re-activated.
If you never had that sense of connection with your spouse, there are ways of creating them. I take you through a step by step daily program of making those connections with “30 Days to a Better Marriage“. The program guides you through ways of making better and healthier connection with your spouse.
Best Regards,
Jeff
3 Responses
Amen
My husband began holding his career by building relationships with his employees and clients but refuse to spend the same time or share thoughts with me
It seeems to me he viewed me as a “done deal” with no need to expend any further effort to build any real relationship
In addition as time went by I began to realize something of the ideas of the “art of war” in terms of his developing more and more protection for his life
He told me after d day that he lived by way of compartmentalising our marriage and family from his own “private life”
Believing as long as his real life was not known to me that our family was unaffected
He really had no reason to believe that since I often tried in vain to communicate with care not to nag , complain or fight .
Nothing penetrated his plans to live an independent life with a sense of entitlement …
How he came to believe that I credit his turning from his once growing relationship with God and study of the Bible to his team building and care for anyone who opposed and dissed the values we once were I. agreement to
What people thought was more important to him than God…me or our family
It appears he is still only interested in people who he can use for his own desires and that furnish his self image that he wants to believe about what he is and does
Social justice has contributed to this sort of self satisfaction when stealing from his family to provide for others he feels need no matter what damage it does or lack we continue to deal with
He has shielded himself from any conviction seeing me or having any discussion via tweeting strictly limited to financial issues
Any other interaction he has defined as “unhealthy” for either of us!
I guess that works for him since it might work on his conscience …or whatever still passes for one.
No eyes on for now four years thought he lives near by
Zaza,
It’s good hearing from you again. It sounds like your hubby took compartmentalizing to a whole new level. Such compartmentalizing of a life is easier to do when you’re young. As you age, you aren’t able to keep the compartments separate. They ‘bleed over’ into each other. In my mind, multiple personalities happen when compartmentalizing is taken to extremes. In such cases, you not only have different parts of your life, you have totally different personalities and functioning. It’s not a healthy way to be.
Your observation about social justice is fascinating. I suspect that many of today’s SJW’s (Social Justice Warriors) are using social justice to ‘balance out’ immorality in their lives. It’s easier focusing on some grand ‘social justice’ ideas than to exercise moral restraint and self-discipline regarding immorality.
Living near Austin, I see the SJW’s going to extremes, while their own moral debauchery and morality abounds. Sadly, although the answer is right in front of them, they don’t see the connection of how one extreme is being used to counter-balance the other. Their idea of ‘freedom’ is sexual libertinism combined with being free from others expressing views or ideas that prick their conscience.
That is a far cry from allowing people to be free to make their own moral choices including allowing those who disagree to civilly express their disagreement. Rather than allowing everyone to have free speech on moral matters, they want groupthink. (I better get off my soap box).
In terms of affairs and immorality, they don’t want to hear about how to fix it or do what is morally right, instead, they want to hear about ways of making it more extreme. …
James 1:8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Phil 2:5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
2 Tim 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
Eph 3:9 And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ:
Eph 3:1
¶ For this cause I Paul, the prisoner of Jesus Christ for you Gentiles
Eph 3:2 If ye have heard of the dispensation of the grace of God which is given me to you-ward: