The Monster Principle of Affairs

You’ve likely heard someone remark “He’s a monster!” When that happens to me, I don’t immediately imagine sharp pointed teeth, claws or them breathing fire, even though some monsters do. Typically, when you hear references to someone being a monster, they are ‘out of control’ in some way.

Most of the time, the monster is driven by an unrestrained passion. The passion has taken over and grown to freakish proportions. Come to think of it, when any passion is unrestrained and allowed uncontrolled growth, it becomes monstrous.

You see this with obsessions that turn monstrous, sex drives that turn beastly, or uncontrolled impulses to steal. Any drive turns destructive and freakish when it knows no limits. Those drives start controlling those afflicted with them. You know you are dealing with a monster when you hear “It just took over!”

This ‘monster principle’ also applies to affairs. The cheater wishes a brief indulgence in some passion or desire. What starts off as a brief indulgence grows quick and the cheater loses control. The affair becomes a monster right in front of them.

Another aspect of the monster principle is that “You never have the control you think you have”. The cheater believes they can control the size and power of the monster they’ve created. The assumption is made that by setting limits the affair will stay within those boundaries.

The affair monster has ways of making the cheater back down on any limits they set. All those things they said they would never do, they find themselves doing. They draw lines, then erase them and redraw them in a different place.

The cheater assumes they are in control by being able to ‘draw lines’ as needed. They may even brag to you “I’ve got it under control”. They forget how many lines they’ve already erased in appeasing the Affair Monster’s growth.

Unless you’ve been taken for a ride on the infidelity merry-go-round, you probably didn’t ask the cheater about how many compromises they made and broke along the way. You may not want to know or can handle hearing about how they came and went.

The cheater may have had good intentions, yet their ‘bad intentions’ won out. Whatever they intended to do, they didn’t do in order to appease the Affair Monster.

You may think my calling an affair a monster taking it too far. Think about it. In ancient cultures, people were sacrificed in appeasing the monsters. How much has your spouse sacrificed in appeasing this monster? How much have you sacrificed?

If you’re tired of how much of your life has been sacrificed to the Affair Monster, there’s hope. The Affair Recovery Workshop guides you through what you need to clear away the obstacles keeping your marriage from thriving. You’ll also start moving past the affair and the bad patterns it brought into your life.

Best Regards,

Jeff

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