Although I get along with most people, there are a few I worked with that produced some real sparks and animosity. Although I’ve learned some important lessons from them, it was grueling going through the learning curve.
One of them earned the nickname of “the weasel”. Although I didn’t give him that nickname, I certainly see how he earned it. He was always doing sneaky things. If he ever did anything ‘nice’ for you he reminded you of it with the statement “You owe me!”
His way of doing things made me want to avoid having anything to do with him. Everything had strings attached to it. Whenever I dealt with ‘the weasel’, I had to watch my ‘p’s’ and ‘q’s’. Nothing was ever a simple request or kind gesture.
I hadn’t realized the long terms effects of the scar he left until I encountered someone with his same name years later.
I found myself holding back in getting to know the new person who shared the same name based on the scars left from my previous interactions from the weasel.
I felt my stomach and mind wince in my first interactions with the newcomer with the weasel’s name. Fortunately, he was a comedian with a quick sense of humor that put me at ease.
It still took a while to calm down as my mind said “he’s alright”, but part of me still staid, but his name is ….!” My mind struggled between the old association with the name and the new association. The calm side eventually won out.
In reflection, what hurt most was that the weasel was a pastor. It hurt just thinking that of all people I expected acts of charity from someone in that role, but instead, any niceness had a price tag. I suppose that’s why Dr. Garcia labeled him ‘the weasel’.
Anytime Dr. Garcia mentioned ‘the weasel’, it was accompanied by a hand gesture indicative of the weasel’s bite. Apparently, he’d been bitten a few times as well.
In working with affairs, I’ve encountered that same weasel mindset more times than I’d like. It’s often used in forcing people into affairs and also in covering them up. The leverage of “You owe me” has been the source of many evils.
Countless one night stands and seductions have started with some weasel having the “You owe me” thinking and way of doing things. For them, there is no trust, there is no love. Every interaction is either incurring or paying a debt.
When they take you out for a meal, they expect some favor in return. When they give you a ride, they want something. After a few dealings with them, it was a struggle doing anything nice for them or even liking them.
I’m sure the weasel had his reasons for doing what he did. Whatever they were, he didn’t trust anyone. Nothing was done based on trust. Everything had become a matter of debts.
If you are dealing with a weasel or been burned by a weasel, don’t let their lack of trust scar you. You can move beyond their level of doing things with the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” You can heal the scars of distrust and the asset and debit way of doing things in your marriage or in your workplace.
Best Regards,
Jeff
