As summer is now upon us, many of the television shows have presented their season finales. The finale always ends on a cliffhanger.
They build up tension and leave you hanging. You are left with many questions in your mind about what happens next.
Television producers know that emotional tensions keep you coming back and keeps you hooked.
They know if all the issues were resolved and settled, you wouldn’t keep you coming back. They want to keep you tense and unsettled all during the summer months until the show resumes in the fall.
Playing on your emotions by manipulating you with tension is just one of the many lessons I learned about television programs in a course I took on the subject.
I was reminded of this tension ploy when reading some recent emails. I keep asking myself “What keeps so many people from getting the help they want?” I discussed this unsettled question with my wife. We examined the many motivations for inaction, including tension.
After the discovery of an affair, things are tense between you and your spouse. That tension keeps the two of you hooked into each other. It creates a stressed, uneasy relationship revolving around the affair. Your marriage isn’t over, but it’s not great either.
When you’re used to living with the tension, you adjust. Living with the tension is safer than taking any risks. Getting help is scary since it may change things.
The season finale of your marriage is happening. Like the television shows, the more the tension, the more the two of you are hooked into each other. You may be hooked into fighting with each other rather than loving each other.
Making changes, including improvements means taking risks. The fear of those changes is more powerful than your dislike of the tension.
The tension has many secondary gains. When things are tense, you and the cheater avoid uncomfortable topics by ‘blowing up’ about the affair. You may be more familiar with handling blow-ups than risking intimacy.
It’s also easier getting people to talk to you and give you attention when there’s tension between you and the cheater and you play the victim. Giving up the power of attention that comes with victimhood and its cousin, learned helplessness is not easy.
When you’re ready to take the risk of making change, and take real steps of improving trust, along with reducing the tension, the tools are here. The video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?‘ guides you in removing the debris keeping the two of you apart.
Nothing in this Work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice. If your situation warrants it, please seek competent professional counsel.