A few months ago, the car that grabbed my attention was the Alfa Romeo 4C. After reading the literature and researching it, I thought I wanted one. It’s dangerous getting excited about a car without ever having driven it.
An opportunity came for me to try out an Alfa Romeo 4C. On driving into the dealership, I was greeted by the George the ‘Sales Consultant’. I told him what model I was interested in and George led me to a shiny yellow (they call it ‘Giallo Prototipo’) 4C spider and promptly went for the key.
While he was obtaining the keys, I studied the showroom perfect lines and details of the car, thinking “This is Great!”. George arrived, unlocked the car and opened the door.
Although excited about finally testing one out, I found myself bending my body into uncomfortable contortions just to enter it. Once in the cockpit, my knees hit the steering wheel. There was no way I could comfortably drive it.
The car was not everything I imagined it to be. Reality brought my dreams crashing down with a thud. Testing things out, including test driving for fit, and drive-ability prevented me from making a mistake.
When something is as important as your marriage, you’ll want to ‘test before you trust’. This is especially true when you are working on rebuilding damaged trust.
I tested out some of the other ‘affair recovery experts’ recommendations for rebuilding trust and found them as big a bust as the 4C cockpit was for me. It astounded me that one experts steps were ‘talk, talk, talk’, set boundaries and end the affair.
On reading their plan, I thought, “If that’s true, then my mother-in-law should be the most trusted person in my life. She talks incessantly, I’ve set boundaries with her and done all the other recommendations”.
My mother-in-law betrayed me in a major league way. If I had followed their formula, that relationship should have had perfect trust. Apparently, they missed a few details. When your marriage is on the line, missing a key piece of trust has major repercussions.
Testing out their material revealed flaws, like knees hitting the steering wheel. When your marriage is at risk, you need more than good intentions.
You need solid help.
You need proven answers.
It’s not the time for ‘test driving’ possible solutions when each day could push the two of you further apart.
This is why I laid out my ‘Trust Formula’ in the video, “How Can I Trust You Again?” with specific tasks and steps to take. Rather than just taking risks, changing how you look at your spouse or praying, you need something solid to count on. You need solid steps to build on, especially when it comes to trust.
When trust is on the line and you want the trust back. Having the cheater tell you ‘just trust me’ won’t cut it. Even when they talk, talk, talk, you need something more. You need something solid to base your trust on.
When you take shortcuts on trust, there’s always consequences.
Best Regards,
Jeff
