Fourteen years ago, I found myself sitting outside of Harris County courtroom #2 stunned in disbelief. The judge that we were led to believe would be impartial was anything but.
He listened to the claims of the other party then refused even allowing us to present our evidence or hear us out. The word of the other party was considered more proof than the black and white evidence we had in hand. (Perhaps the fact that he was golf buddies with the other parties attorney was a factor which I discovered later).
I felt like a deflated balloon. Hope, optimism and open mindedness all left me in that moment. I can handle when people lie about me, but when a judge refuses even hearing me out, I felt… discouraged.
That experience helped me relate to Brittany when she told me about how the judge in a Cobb County, Georgia allowed her husband to marry his lover before her divorce from him was final. Having been burned by a judge, his outrageous act didn’t surprise me.
She hoped that law would prevail, but a judge with an agenda trumps the law faster than pair of aces beats a pair of kings in a poker game.
It’s at such moments after you’ve been ‘kicked in the teeth’ by a rigged legal system that you realize you don’t trust anyone. You’ve lost faith in judges, lawyers, your spouse, and doctors. You start viewing the legal system as a ‘game’ where the rules are hidden from you.
What started as a distrust of your spouse has now spread. Everything the cheater touches becomes infected with distrust.
You realize that your distrust impacts almost every relationship you have. You find yourself second guessing the actions of everyone around you.
Anytime someone does something, even the nice things you question their motives. The question “What do they want out of me?” dominates your thinking.
If you find yourself dominated by distrust, the situation isn’t going to fix itself. The trust fairy isn’t going to touch you and your situation overnight with sudden changes. Your distrust is not something that’s going to change when you wake up tomorrow morning.
Rebuilding your trust requires effort on your part. Passivity brings nothing but more distrust. Rebuilding trust is requires more than just thinking positive vibes. Waiting for things to ‘fix themselves’ only makes it worse.
Trust requires making concrete changes in specific areas. The video ‘How Can I Trust You Again?’ shows you what changes are needed along with where to make them. You don’t have to blindly put your hope in change. You can instead know what steps to take in rebuilding trust with your spouse, family members and others.
Best Regards,
Jeff
