Forgiveness is used for both good and bad purposes. Withholding forgiveness is also used for both good and bad purposes as well. Although things go smoother with forgiveness, there are some people who for whatever reason, wait until the last minute before they take action on the matter.
One female family member waited until her husband was on his death bed before she went in to him and asked his forgiveness. This was after years of abuses and mean spirited acts.
Perhaps she had her reasons for waiting until that moment. Much like a deathbed confession, she revealed things to him. I suspect she admitted to some of her affairs at that time. She followed this up with a plea for forgiveness.
Waiting until someone is about to die before confessing is cold-blooded, calculated manipulation.When your spouse is on their deathbed, there’s little they can do or say. They’re a captive audience.
Such confessions are manipulative if not a form of emotional abuse. When you intentionally wait until the person is dying, such admissions put them ‘on the spot’. It’s one thing if there are sudden accidents or changes in health. In those cases, it’s good for the soul to clear the air.
When you intentionally put off dealing with forgiveness until the person you’ve wronged is on their death bed, it’s manipulative. You’re using guilt and the forces of nature against the person.
They have little or no choice at that point. It’s as if you have an emotional gun to their head.
Although I talk about what is the best time for forgiveness in the video on the topic, delaying forgiveness until one party is at death’s door is NOT the best time. It’s definitely in the top 10 for one of the worst times to deal with forgiveness.
Intentionally waiting to deal with forgiveness until death amounts to dropping an emotional hand grenade on them when they are totally defenseless and have little time to process anything.
Delaying forgiveness amounts to not forgiving. It only prolongs the lies and deceit longer. It amounts to you wanting to live another day with the lies and betrayals.
If you want to know what to do along with when to do it, the video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” guides you through this part of healing. You can work through forgiveness without manipulations and subterfuge. You can get back to honest day to day living without waiting until someone is on their deathbed.
best Regards,
Jeff
