Using a Crisis to Excuse an Affair

Have you ever noticed that when you’re hurting, you talk yourself into things you wouldn’t normally do? I know I have. When those times of hurt or pain come around, I’ve talked myself into things that weren’t good for me.

When the pain and discomfort are there, I find myself looking for what’s going to get me out the pain or discomfort. At that point fast relief is more important than doing what’s right or what’s actually good for me. That’s one of the reasons they call these situations, “self-serving crises”.

The real gist of these painful crises is doing what you want to do. The pain, whether intentional or unintentional is used to justify the unacceptable behavior.

Truth be known, at those moments, I exaggerated the pain in order to not feel so guilty for doing what I shouldn’t have done.

In my mind I told myself “I was hurting” or “I was lonely” or “It was more pain than I could handle”. Even when I knew in the back of my mind that the discomfort would eventually pass, by exaggerating the pain, I excused doing what shouldn’t have been done.

This is one reason you find families with addiction problems go from one crisis to another. The crisis gives you the excuse to indulge in the unacceptable behavior.

If you have a chronic health condition, you have a built in crisis that a cheater can exploit to act out.

Don’t be surprised when the cheater manufactures or exaggerates a crisis during affair recovery. It may be something like picking a fight, road rage or health issues.

Any kind of crisis will do. The real payoff they’re after is indulging in the affair. The affair doesn’t seem so bad when it is a solution to a crisis.

Lovers know this. That’s one reason why they make suicidal gestures or other threats. They know the power of a crisis. They know how the cheater is more vulnerable during a crisis. During affair recovery, most fights are not accidental.

Even when money is the source of the crisis, you need to consider how the cheater is using that crisis.

If you are unaware of these affair relapse games, you can easily be sucked into a crisis for the wrong reason. You may even find yourself contributing to a slip without realizing it. You didn’t realize that your spouse was cooking up a self-serving crisis and you were being played.

Knowing the games that surround affair relapse help you keep from being played. It also helps you see through the manufactured crises.

The video “Preventing Affair Relapse” prepares you and the cheater for such situations. The crises are not going away on their own without some interventions.

Knowing what to do and what to look out for helps keep you from getting played during the self-serving crises.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff

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