On receiving news of my 45th high school reunion, It triggers some reflection for me. One thing I reflected on was what my thinking was like in high school.
Many of those women I thought were “hot” back at Sam Rayburn high school have changed dramatically.
I also realized that in high school, I suffered from some unhealthy thinking regarding relationships. I really thought that if only certain people would be ‘my’ girlfriend that all my troubles would be over.
The birds would sing sweeter and life would be wonderful.
Things were unsettled in my family back then, so I thought having a stable girlfriend would fix everything. I realized I romanticized relationships and what they could do.
Those notions came to a screeching halt when Kenneth Mayhugh intercepted a series of letters I had written to someone I thought would fix everything. He went to the front of the class and proceeded reading them aloud.
It was an instant dose of reality about relationships. It cured of my romantic notions that such a relationship would fix me.
Cheaters romanticize their relationship with the lover. They assume that it will ‘fix’ them. Sex is viewed as the most important thing to them. The affair can provide sex, therefore the affair can ‘fix’ them.
During recovery some cheaters say they ‘let go’ of the romanticizing, yet most don’t. If they were all completely honest, none would admit letting go of ALL the romanticizing.
They continue holding onto those ideas with white knuckle firmness.
They cling to the belief that ‘the affair will fix them’.
Those fantasies continue when they sleep, daydream or just seem lost in thought. Those fantasies are now a fixture in their minds. Those thoughts keep them in a pattern of sick thinking.
This phenomena is called ‘euphoric recall‘. This euphoric recall, like the sirens song has wrecked countless marriages. I’d love to tell you that they suddenly come to their senses and drop those romantic notions like a hot potato.
The truth is, cheaters only let go of those romantic fantasies of the affair a little at a time. Even after the affair is over, those fantasies hang around in the dark corners of their mind.
Removing them requires a solid relapse prevention plan along with them daily working on preventing relapse. This is where the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse” comes in.
The video guides you through what’s needed in a relapse prevention plan along with ways of handling urges and triggers.
You don’t have a Kenneth Mayhugh that in a brief moment brings down the cheater’s romantic recall about the affair with a smash. Even though you don’t have him, you have the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” helping you through this part of recovery often neglected in the Marriage Weekend Retreat blasts and Affair Recovery books.
Best Regards,
Jeff
