There are times you work alongside people while never realizing their genius. I learned this from working alongside Harold. Since he was quiet spoken and unassuming, I made some wrong assumptions.
Although most of the addiction specialists I’d worked with were colorful characters, Harold was not.
I made the mistake of assuming that his being quiet was associated with being a novice. Boy, was I wrong! When I heard him speak on Relapse Prevention, I was amazed at the nuggets of wisdom and insights he shared.
On hearing Harold speak, I gained a whole new appreciation for the soft spoken unassuming man. Once again, I was reminded of the foolishness of judging the cover of the book rather than finding out what’s on the inside.
One of the wisdom nuggets was the acronym he used for slips. If you’ve been working on recovery, you know about them.
His acronym was “Sobriety Loses Its Priority”. That’s about as simple as it gets. This truism also applies to cheaters, they slip when monogamy and sexual sobriety are no longer priorities in their lives.
Affair slips happen when loyalty to you is no longer their priority.
Something else came along and moved into priority status. That’s where slips begin. It wasn’t someone tempting the cheater, it was when something became a higher priority than their commitment to you and getting healthy.
The cheater has priorities. Talking about those priorities is an important part of recovery. The challenge is for them to be honest about what they are and telling you.
This means you’ll be monitoring their priorities like taking a pulse. You’ll be watching their behavior, listening to their words and staying aware of their emotions.
Any one of these will alert you to changes in priorities long before a slip occurs. It takes time in noticing them and taking your own blinders off.
You may not want to see some things that you’re seeing. Even when what you see is ugly, you need to acknowledge it and follow it up.
When you are going through Affair Recovery, those little nuggets of wisdom make a huge difference in dealing with the issues as they arise.
This is why I put together the best material on affair relapse in the video “Preventing Affair Relapse“. Knowing these nuggets make a huge difference in how successful you’ll be in making it through this time.
Best Regards,
Jeff
