One of the sensations I dislike is being out of control. Although I’ve met some people that like losing control, it’s a feeling that frightens me.
Being out of control brings the sensations of powerlessness, helplessness and vulnerable with it. Things are happening I can’t control, avoid or deny. At those moments, I’ve learned some hard lessons.
I don’t even like thinking about those feelings. All the news about the hurricane has triggered memories of those episodes along with some other unpleasant ones I endured.
Although I am thankful that they are past, they weren’t fun when they were happening. When those out of control situations come around, I say to myself “here we go again”.
It’s during those times, you find out what your real coping skills are. To what degree do you cope or what degree do you try digging your way?
There is something self-defeating in using control as a way of being out of control. Trying to take charge of situations where you are powerless is ineffective. I know that some of you are in the ‘fake it till you make it’ camp.
When you are out of control, faking like you have control, or controlling others with less control that you is pointless. I call this the ‘kicking the dog’ syndrome. When things are out of control in your family, it doesn’t help when you take it out on the family pet.
It may make you feel a little better at having some control, but it ruins the trust that once existed there. Kicking the dog, or those who are more helpless than you is sadistic and self-serving.
With affairs, you’re often out of control. You can’t be the puppet master and control all the people, events and emotions everyone is feeling. On a good day, the most you can control are your own feelings.
When those situations go on for long periods, it brings out bad habits. Those habits include shutting down, raging, taking your anger out on others, or taking it out on yourself. You may have even discovered that the bitch mask you put on, you can no longer take off.
When the long term effects of affairs keep you stuck in that out of control place, you need help. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in moving past those experiences.
You can move past the self-defeating habits. You don’t have to permanently keep your ‘bitch mask’ on.
Best Regards,
Jeff
